A Mage of The Circle
by OrchidLurver
Summary: The Blight defeated, the King throned, the people reunited and A Mage forgotten. What's left to do? A Tale of a Mage broken and a Circle now free to govern itself, well kind of...
1. Chapter 1 : Pain

**A/N : ** **this is my first DA fic. Yay! Plz RnR! My story kind of follows the game and kinda doesn't. Hey, I like 'what ifs' It's a thing, it makes plot bunnies and that make little plot bunny babies...  
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Disclaimer : If we fans could only live in this world we would be greatly sustained! Alas, that's not the case, so we don't actually own any of this...boo.

**Chapter 1**

Pain.

A basic _natural_ sensation that lets one know of physical or mental distress. A discomfort as a result of some trauma that has been inflicted on ones person.

There's all kinds of pain, physical and mental. Someone is probably documenting a list at this very moment of all the different ways one could experience this sensation. This evasive nuisance, scribbled down on parchment with ink and quill, long and thought out.

It sits there in the dark, patient, watching and waiting for it's turn to surface again and again. Slowly it eventually slithers it's way past barriers and guarded minds. Like venom it can spread and torture and corrupt.

_Natural. Normal._

There's nothing normal here, there hasn't been for a very, very long time.

* * *

><p>Mind fuzzy, a girl sits by a fire, arms wrapped around her knees. Green orbs study the dancing flames, mesmerized by it's rhythm. She tilts her head back and tries to shake away the memories of recent past.<p>

It_ doesn't_ work.

Her name...she's called many things. Botanist, healer, witch, Hero, friend, warden, bitch, _Mage_...

And just like that, with one silly little word, her world comes to a complete halt. _Mage_. Like dripping acid, how quickly people are to spit out that word like an accusation, an instant sentence.

With one word, her hopes and love are pushed aside for the benefit of everyone else. For the sake of what is right..._Please..._

She massages her scallop with her fingertips, letting her raven dark locks fall down her back.. _Foolish girl, did you think that being a Hero would matter? That it would change anything, especially that word?_ Treacherous thoughts indeed.

Promises and words spoken in the dark, just months ago, long forgotten, now just a haunting memory of what could have been. _Lies_. A reminder of what it is to be human and to feel_ pain_.

Her breath catches in her throat when she realizes that her chest is hurting, her heart is pounding, slowly and out of sync. Because it's been broken. Eyes moistening, she refuses to let tears fall for things she could of had. For what ifs. Straightening her back and balling her fists, she stands.

"This Mage, is going home." Selena stairs down at her mabari, her last companion. "Come on Marsh..."

Picking up her staff, Selena makes her way towards Calenhad.

* * *

><p>It's damp.<p>

When hasn't been? A stone tower, on a lone island in the middle of a lake, it's always been damp. Not like this.

The air still has a musky odor that feels like it clings to your skin. Under armor and clothing, it feels that much worse. Humid, warm and grimy. Almost as if one has worked hard all day in the sun and dirt, only to put on clean clothes and armor and then bake to a perfect golden brown.

Moisture, of course, is the blame here. The many still broken windows in need of repair, is what allows the breeze carried off the lake to swoop in.

Cullen's chest heaves a heavy breath that shows even with all the weight of his armor. "The books and tapestries will be ruined..." Why does that matter? He doesn't know, doesn't even really care.

"Hmmm? You don't say." Wynne glances down at him from a ladder.

The Templar clears his throat. "Sorry. I...uh...it just occurred to me... After all, books will be needed for the new apprentices that is..." His weight shifts from his left to his right leg, memories of _this_ place uneasy.

_"Everything you ever wanted Templar." A hiss of poison had spoken into his mind. "Curves and hair. Flesh and bone. All you need to do is ask, allow yourself release and bliss." How had it managed to dwell that far into the depths of his most private and most guarded thought_s.

"But no heart? No Soul? To live a lie?" He had almost given in, almost. A pained memory, nothing more, he reassures himself.

The enchantress studies him questioningly. "Are you alright Ser?"

"Wha-?" Had he truly said that out loud? "I...fine. Sorry." Cullen leaves the library to find solitude in his newly appointed chamber.

* * *

><p>"Home." Closing her eyes, Selena allows the spray from the lake sprinkle across her skin. Inhaling deeply, she stares up at the tower in front of her. "You always did have that affect on me, making me feel so small and off balance." She hears Marsh let out a low woof in agreement.<p>

"Shall I wait...or...?" the boat master inquires confused.

The Mage smiles back at him warmly and tosses him a gold piece. "No. I'm not going to be leaving again."

The man gives her an awkward grin and gently pushes the boat from the dock. "Be careful in there miss, we folk heard strange tale of their being creatures still lurking in there."

"Is that right?" The girl rolls her shoulders and turns her attention back to the tower. "Guess we'll just have to see." She pats her animal guardian on the head.


	2. Chapter 2 : Titles

**A/N** ; Italics represents either thoughts or something that happened in the past. It's easy to figure out ;)

**Disclaimer : Do I really need to :(**

**Chapter 2**

Knight Captain.

It's a nice title, but just a title, a description of ones position in ranks. For Cullen, it's a raise in pay and more lavish and private accommodations. More responsibility with less leg work. To be in charge of men and women, to give out orders and commands, to have so many of your piers look up to you, now that's the real reward.

Many people, Mage and Templar alike, know him for his true character. Honorable, selfless, intelligent, religious and dedicated. Above all else, he has always been dedicated, no matter the obstacle, no matter the cost.

Just months ago, his faith and character had been tested, almost beyond his limits. Brought to the brink, he had been rescued by his very own temptation, in the flesh so to speak. It had taken all those months to calm his temper. His patience had slowly returned. However, his trust in those he guards and protects, still remains in question.

The Captain laces his fingers together and rest his elbows on the top of his desk. Chocolate brown eyes continue to stare at the large wooden door before him, lost in thought remembering a conversation from years ago.

_"But Commander I don't really understand..." He had been trying to understand the rules of the Chantry regarding Templar and Mage relationships._

_Gregoire smiled. "I've known Irving for a very, very long time." He continued while looking over the lake from his window. Hands clasped behind him and his back to his recruit, he smiled. "We get along. Great even. I consider him my friend."_

_The young Templar eyes widened. "Oh?"_

_The Knight Commander looked over his shoulder for a brief second. "Shocked? I understand." The tall man walked over to his desk and took a seat. He regarded his comrade sincerely. "Listen, it's our duty as Templars to protect the people from the threat of a mage, it's also our duty to protect the mages from themselves and the general population." Gregoire cleared his throat. "Not all mages are walking abominations, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't regard them without caution. There are many mages that turn out to be very invaluable and highly commendable."_

_The older man stretched back in his chair. "As much as I respect Irving and value him here...If he were...were to be possessed by...Well I would have no choice. Not only would it be my duty, but it would be something I know he would want. No mage should suffer that fate, being twisted into an abomination. No one deserves that." His gloved hand had made a clink as it tapped his armored arm. "Any mage that truly understands and respects the power that they wield knows this, believes in this. That's why they are the ones to remain here without question and have no fear of the Templars, but actually welcome their help with understanding. That's why those will be the ones to truly make a difference for the good of Ferelden."_

_"So do I recommend befriending the mages? Why not? I see no issue with the matter. I actually see some benefit in it...However, it's the Chantry that would think otherwise." Gregoire took in a deep breath. "Be cautious, that's all I can recommend. Know that this mage might one day become an abomination. Would you have what it takes to strike a friend down?"_

Cullen removes his gauntlets and drags his fingers over his face. The Commander had be so certain back then. Cullen had accepted the answer he was given, believed in it with all his soul in fact. As long as he was able to control his emotions when it all came down to it...it would be ok?

_This isn't the case is it?_ He had been tested, it didn't turn out so well. Trust in mages, there is very little left for him. _Not like people, they're different, so they should follow different rules._

He had payed a visit to the Gallows in Kirkwall, for some reason the treatment towards mages there, just didn't sit right with him. Not like people, but not animals either.

A frustrated sigh escapes his lips. "I haven't slept yet?" From the edge of his window he catches the first rays of morning light. Another shaky breath leaves him. Pushing himself from his wooden desk, he begins to make his way for the kitchens.

"Might as well start the day with something in my stomach for a change."

* * *

><p>One of the two gigantic tower doors creak open. Sunlight dances across the stone flooring and morning mist slowly creeps in and makes itself known in the warm rays.<p>

"Odd..." Selena finds herself saying. Then she quickly remembers a few _reasons_ why there are just two guards in the main hall, and why they don't really seem to care that she has just entered, uninvited.

To her surprise, the two templars actually tilt their heads toward her in a quick salutation, in which she returns with a nod.

Marsh is sniffing at the stone, zig zaging behind her, here and there, his nails making an audible indication of where he is.

"Morning Warden." The youngest of the Knights beams at her.

"Uhm, morning..." She quints in his direction.

"Kailen, Sera." He adjusts his posture, as if hoping to impress.

The mage lifts a brow. "Right. Kailen. Just call me Selena." The Templar nods. Looking over the main hall quickly and over at the other Knight, she wonders. "Tell me Ser, might you know where Enchantress Wynne might be at?"

"Sure do. In her study on the second floor." Kailen shifts uneasy. "Just remember Sera, that the tower is undergoing some remodeling of sorts..."

"I understand." She beams back. "Come on Marsh." She pats the side of her thigh. "Thank-you for your time." Selena and her hound make their way up the stairs, leaving the two templars wondering what a grey warden is doing here now.

* * *

><p>"Selena, child what a nice surprise." The elder woman embraces the younger one. "I did not expect you for at least another week. Is everything alright?" Wynne's face goes grim. "Have you come with urgency?"<p>

The younger mage lets out a small laugh. "No, no. Nothing like that. I just felt like...coming home." She leaves her friends side to run a finger down a dusty shelf. "Wow, this place really does need remodeling..."

Not convinced, but not willing to push the matter further, Wynne lets the subject drop, for now. She laces her arm through Selena's left one. "Come, let me show you to your new room."

"New room?" Confused she allows herself to be all but dragged by this woman. "Why can't I have my other one, you know the one I had for all but a week."

"Because dear, that was in the mages quarters. You've been bumped up to enchanter now, considering all your experience in the field. The timing is perfect, we do need all the help we can get rebuilding, not just the tower, but the ranks were devastated as well." They round another bend and stop just in front of a big wooden door. "This is your stop." Wynne quickly lifts her shoulders in anticipation. "Well go on dearest..." She pushes the young mage lightly on the back.

Rolling her eyes, but smiling brightly, the warden opens the door. This is not just a bedroom, but a small living space, personal library and study all wrapped into one. As soon as she opens the door, she's immediately hit with the wonderful smell of a tiny botanical garden just hanging on the ledge of her window.

_Oh my wonders_. "A window?" She looks back questioningly at the other mage, who only continues to smile.

There's a sitting area organized near this window, along with a fireplace, bench and two tables. To her left are a three shelving units filled with books, a cabinet for her potion making, a few tall potted plants (that she'll have to document later) and a sturdy little desk. The shelving units lean up against a wall that seem to have an archway carved in it, glancing past it she can see an elegantly carved bed with beautiful green linen, an armoire, a chest and what looks like a vanity.

"Wynne...why?" Her voice all but squeaks with excitement.

The Enchantress' face softens. "I take it that you like it?"

"Yes, of coarse." Green eyes seem to run over every detail trying to take it all in. "I just don't understand why you would have this done for me."

"Me?" The old woman laughs. "I didn't do this. You can thank Gregoire."

Now Selena is truly speechless. "Wha-...what did you say?" Her face almost takes a ghostly appearance.

"Don't know why really." Wynne shrugs her shoulders and takes a few steps around the room. "I was informed only because he had questions on your area of expertise. He wanted to make sure you had everything you needed for when you returned."

Still confused, Selena gently runs her fingers over the fabric of her study chair. "Yes, but why would that matter?"

Wise as usual, Wynne regards her kindly. "Maybe he just appreciates the fact that you saved all that you could here. That you risked your life and the life of your friends to do what you could. I don't think he truly thought you would ever return, but I do think he wanted you to have a place that showed gratitude if you did."

The woman closes the gap between them and grips Selena's hands. "The fact that you have returned, shows that you understand yourself and what you are capable of as a mage. You, just standing here right now, shows that we are doing something right. You have the ability to walk away right now, but you don't. You of all people know what it is to have great power. Still you trust in the Templars and their duty to do what is right if need be. The Chantry needs to see that we can govern properly on our own. That we still have need for the Templars and that Andraste still has a place in our hearts, just not the way they've been preaching all these years."

Wynne's eyes close. "I believe and I think Gregoire does somehow too, that you are the beginning of a new way of life for the Circle."

"I don't know about that one." Selena smirks.

"You did get the King of Ferelden to change the rules in which the Circles here can govern themselves." Wynne pats her on the shoulder.

"True..." The young mage allows the current state of cheerfulness to consume her. "I'll have to say thanks to Gregoire as soon as possible." She rests her staff against the wall.

"Well that will have to wait. He's gone on official business to Denerim for about another month. I'm sure he will be pleased to know that you've chosen to return." With that the older mage leaves, closing the door behind her.

_Chose to return._ Selena decides that she's at peace with that thought. Never the rebellious type to begin with, the Tower had always been her home. She is more the please to be back where she belongs. Even more pleased to know that she had a _'choice'_ to begin with.

* * *

><p>It's late, Dagna just left. Selena slinks against her chamber door with a 'thud'. Marsh barely looks up from the floor from where he's sleeping to let out a low <em>woof<em>.

"She sure knows her stuff." She admits the little dwarf girl is going to be a great asset to the tower. Dagna had compiled a full inventory of the library, including the small library in Amell's room. Now, Selena has a list of all the books, plants, potions...you name it in her quarters.

"I just need a bigger wardrobe." Laughing and feeling a bit selfish, but she can't help it, she refuses to wear Tower robes. The tower is controlled by Mages now, not the Chantry. "Well..." She'll devise a plan to get some things delivered to her soon enough, she has the coin to spare, why not?

A little growl makes itself heard. "Oh my, an entire day and I haven't eaten yet? I'm sure my warden metabolism isn't to fond of that." She begins to push the door ajar when the distinct noise of claws against stone catches her attention. "Sorry boy. You stay here. You're too big and will make too much noise. Everyone is probably asleep." Fingers ruffle his brow. Marsh makes no attempt to argue and returns to his spot near the fireplace, he knows she'll bring him something yummy back.

Just as she's about to make her way down the stairs, the library catches her attention from the corner of her eye. She decides to take a peak, she's heard it had been fully restored and is now more elaborate then before. Not being able to see much in the dark, she decides to investigate it more thoroughly in the morning. Turning swiftly on her heels, she almost lets out a yelp as a set of hands grasp her shoulders.

"By Andraste's..." Tensing for a moment, she squints her eyes trying to get a better look at the man gripping her. Dusting herself off she pulls back. "Sorry, didn't see you there."

"You shouldn't wander the halls alone." The voice says firmly. "It's dangerous for a _mage_ to roam unguarded."

"Yes. Well, I'll keep that..." Her eyes finally register to her brain who's speaking. "Cullen?"

The shadow stirs a bit. "Yes. Well...uhm...Knight Captain now." She swears she can see him scratch the back of his head, even in the dark.

"Right. Knight Captain. Wow." Her arms fold across her chest. "Things have changed a great deal. Did you get posh new quarters as well?" She asks with a bit of humor, but still sincere.

"Yes, actually." He takes a step into the torch light and she has to wonder, has he always been this tall and did he always take up this much space? "I take it you are settling in?"

"Quite fine, thank-you." She muses. "Surprised at my sudden arrival?"

"Yes to be honest." Cullen glares at her. "I would think a mage of your stature would just..."

"Disappear?" Selena returns his icy stare.

"I was going to say live out the rest of her days serving in the royal court. However, the choice is your own." His features seem to soften.

"Oh..." Taken aback, she finds her finger nails interesting. "Well, the kingdom is in good standing now. I really just wanted to be where I could be of better use. Helping here, seemed fitting, this is my home after all."

"Hmmm..." The Knight tilts his head in thought.

A bit more frustrated than she needs to be, she blurts out "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just reflecting." He shakes off her aggravated tone. "I just never considered an alternative."

Insulted and a bit stricken she points an angry digit at him. "This is not just your home Templar. It's mine as well. Besides, I've lived here longer than you, knew most of the people here more then you did. This is all the family I've ever had or known. Have you even considered that?" She asks angrily, resting her hands on her hips.

"Yes." He whispers, head hanging low in either shame or anguish, she can't tell. "They were mine too, for a time at least...I still hear... their screams at night sometimes." Briefly, he looks up at her, eyes darkly rimmed and shimmering. "I thought maybe, you wouldn't want to come back to this nightmare. This hell hole. That's all."

The warden's memories flash back to a torn and battered man, on his knees praying to Andraste. His friends scattered and discarded around him like crumpled paper. Her heart plummets.

"Cullen..." Instantly her hands cover the whimpering noise that almost escapes her lips. "I'm so sorry." She blinks at him.

The Captain rubs the back of his neck trying to think of a way out of this now awkward conversation. "Don't be...You did what you could. I'm the one that..." He does his best to shake of the embarrassment and begins to walk away, accept he can't. Tiny arms snake their way around his neck, his massive form stiffens and doesn't budge an inch. A quick thought goes threw his mind _'how can such frail arms be the downfall of the Archdemon'?_

In the past he would have been sheepish and recoiled from such an action. Now, with all that he has suffered, his character has become that of stone and almost cold. Gently but firmly he grabs hold of her forearms and slowly pries the mage from his body. "Please...My lady..." He would have killed for her to touch him this way in the past. Today, this kind of close contact only stirs mixed feelings within him.

The young mage's eyes stare into the young Captains, as he lightly untangles her arms. Is that fear she can see filling in them?

"You should be in your quarters." Cullen informs her matter-of-factly. Why doesn't she remember him ever being this cold before? Hardly a trace of warmth in his deep brown eyes anymore. He doesn't even look back at her, just walks away into the darkness.

Times do change and so do people, she concludes and continues her way to the kitchens.


	3. Chapter 3 : Brooding and Relaxing

**A/N : Obviously, I'm not following much of the game plot, makes it that much more fun right? Also, this is a much longer chapter, only because I will not be able to post another for a long time. Sorry. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer : All us DA fans are sad to write this here, We don't own anyfing :(**

_**Chapter 3**_

Light does this room justice.

Selena admits to herself. Only being able to see but a hint of the library last night was just a tease. The wooden shelves have all been replaced. There are now more secluded areas for studying, all equipped with candles for proper lighting. The once dull and numerous teaching areas are now revised into one, she assumes the rest have been moved to other locations in the tower. Books and parchments, line tables and walls everywhere. Red and gold carpets are placed in areas of expected high traffic.

"Wow, this is amazing."

Turning to her right near the fire place, she notices a door with a sign that reads " Repairs & Research ". She attempts to turn the knob, but it doesn't move. "Huh, enchanted."

"That's right." Dagna beams. "Only those with the right key can enter."

"Oh, I see." Disappointed, the mage turns to investigate the rest of this massive room.

"You're kidding right?" the little dwarf laughs. "Here, this is for you." The girl hands over a small golden key on a chain. "You thought you weren't going to get access, weren't you?"

Selena stares a the little key in her hand and nods.

"This is the least I could do." Dagna smiles brightly. "After everything you've done for me. Anyways, only you and I have a key. After all, I'll probably be doing most of the research...and the repairs..."

"Yeah, I wouldn't be much help in the 'repairs' department." The warden chimes.

"I just figured that if there was any materials that you didn't want some young apprentice to stumble upon, you could always stash it here. Or enchanted items or stuff of that sort." A smirk plays across the dwarfs face a she explains with great excitement.

"What you mean to say, anything that's old and creepy and probably enchanted, or possessed that I come across you would like to study and catalog it." Selena winks.

"You certainly know the way to this dwarf's heart Amell." The dwarf claps her hands together sending particles of dust into the air. "So do you think the dwarves did a good job reconstructing this place?" Her rosy cheeks plump up as her smile broadens. "Oh and I hope you don't mind the fact that we updated it...it was a bit musky in here, that's not good for books and such...and trying to study with classes going on in here, must be a challenge, so we moved the old teaching areas upstairs to where the storage use to be and constructed new class rooms there. I'm rambling, at least I sound like I'm rambling...do you think I'm rambling...?"

Nodding in appreciation, the mage clasps the young girls shoulders. "You did amazing! Everything is absolutely stunning. I'm sure when mages return here and new ones start showing up they will all be just as amazed as I am." Selena offers the dwarven girl a warm smile.

"Well it was worth it. I heard this was one of your favorite areas in the tower, so I wanted to make sure to start here." Feeling pride in herself and her work, Dagna waves quickly and heads back to work. "Please do punish anyone who so much as puts one piece of parchment out of order."

"You have my word." The warden laughs.

* * *

><p>Two more months. Two more months and the Templars will finally be returning with the mages of this tower and new ones. Not to mention new Templar recruits. Cullen continues reading a letter that had been sent to him from Gregoire in Denerim.<p>

_Knight Captain,_

_ We will be returning, but not in the one month that was originally planned. There are more mages and more recruits then expected, which in itself is both benificial and tasking. _

_ With more Templars we can rest easier, but with more mages means there will be that much more of a reason for all of Ferelden and the Chantry to be keeping a close eye._

_ Until my return in two months time, please keep the tower and her people safe._

_Knight Commander_

_Gregoire_

After the '_incident_' in the tower, all remaining apprentices and mages were scattered to different circles. Only the few surviving Enchanters and Senior Enchanters, along with a hand full of templars remained to try and rebuild the tower. It had been half a year since then and now the reconstruction was almost complete. There were only a few things left to fix or organize, like the Harrowing Chamber and the new storage room.

The tower had been sectioned out differently now. The Harrowing Chamber remained at the same spot, but had been cleaned out and redone. Then the apprentice chambers as well as the new Templar recruit chambers were all moved to the first floor. The higher your level in rank, the higher you had to walk up the stairs.

"Two months..." Cullen mulls over the idea of having the tower booming with life again. It both excites and frightens him. He keeps in mind that having that many people around will keep Kinloch from seeming so dark and dreary. On the other hand, with the new order of having the mages run everything, kind of makes his stomach feel like it's being tied in knots.

"Andraste help me."

* * *

><p>Who knew there could be so many different uses for so many different plants. Well she'd known before, but Selena now knows that she wasn't even close to knowing everything about her particular field of interest. Getting out into the real world and actually studying biology of plant life first hand does change things. So she had thought she had caught up and could start challenging herself some other way.<p>

She was wrong. It seems that Dagna had found every '_lost'_ book on herbalism, botanicals, tinctures, poultices and not to mention all books on known new research on all the same topics and more.

"I definitely have a lot of work and studying to do." The mage curls up on her sofa, brings her knees to her chest and begins reading _'Elfroot : The Makers Gift'. _ She sips at her tea and thumbs gently at the papers, soaking up all the new information. Just as she's about to start her fourth chapter, Marsh's ears perk to the sound of someone knocking at her door.

Refusing to abandon her book, she continues reading as she heads to the door and opens it. "Come in." She says not looking up at her guest and stands to the side to allow entrance. "Please have a seat." The mage gestures to a chair and makes her way back to her spot on the sofa.

After a moment, Amell shakes herself from her daze, realizing that she's probably ignoring whoever just decided to pay her a visit. "I'm sorry. That was incredibly rude of..."

Her brain finally registers that the person standing before her is the Knight Captain. "Cullen. I mean Knight Captain." Clearing her throat quickly she stands. "To what do I owe this visit?"

He raises a hand. "I've just come to pass on a message. I've already talked to Wynne."

Again the mage gestures for him to take a seat and he accepts. "It seems that Gregoire will be returning in two months time with quite a large number of mages and Templars."

"Oh, well that's good news..." Selena begins chewing at her bottom lip, anxious at the thought of her quiet home becoming overwhelming with bodies and noise.

Cullen shifts in his seat. "I...yes. I guess it is."

"You're not too found of having that much of a population here either, are you?" She grimaces, tightening the grip on her book.

"Well, not at first. Maybe if people were to show up gradually, so that we can properly introduce everyone one at a time into this new way of life. I'm just bracing myself for chaos." His armor clinks as it displaces when he makes the smallest of movements.

"I wanted to apologize." The warden fixes a look on the captain.

Confused, Cullen shrugs his shoulders. "For what? Last night? It was no..."

"No. Not for that." Selena draws in a breath. "For taking too long. For getting to you last." Her eyes never break contact with his own and he suddenly finds this very uncomfortable, and almost embarrassing. "That's been weighing on me for sometime now. The fact that...you were there for Andraste knows how long...I'm so sorry."

"It...it was not of your doing. There was no way you could have known, or done anything different. The blame is not yours to have." Again, he's become stern and a bit hallow. _Please, drop it, please just stop talking about it. _He begins making his way for the door.

Swiftly, Selena deposits her book onto the nearby table and rushes to grab hold of his wrist. "I just need you to know that if I could have done something more to prevent...or something more to help..."

For the first time in a long while, he can feel the features of his face softening. How could he be so cold with someone being so decent? Thoughtlessly, his free hand travels up to brush his fingers along her cheek. Recognizing all of a sudden what he's doing, his hand abruptly stops in mid air and he pulls back.

Immediately, Amell spots the turmoil of mixed feelings in him and she understands. Blushing, she takes a step back.

Dipping his head back, the Knight Captain exhales. "I know." He rolls his head from side to side, earning him some pops and cranks. "I need to start making a shift schedule for the new recruits. I should go." With that he pulls the door open and leaves her to her thoughts.

"That poor man..." She turns at the sound of her Mabari's low whine. Lovingly, she pats the top of his massive head. "Yeah, I agree." She comments while looking down at him.

* * *

><p><em>Selena,<em>

_ I hope this message finds you well. By the time you receive this, I will already be back in Orlais. _

_ I do wish you would have stayed in Denerim, it would have been easier for me to visit you. However, I do understand the need to return home. I just thought you would like to be up to date on everything that has transpired since you left. Oghren has left for Amaranthine to join the wardens, I was not entirely surprised. Sten returned to his home as well, Shale, to be honest I don't know where she went and Zevran left without a word._

_ Alistair, well the King now, he's tired and he looks so sad. I do wish you would have stayed longer until he got use to this new role. But maybe I see your point, he needs to be more independent in doing this. He just looks so lost. Please, my friend, do write him or pay him a visit soon. It was not his choice to have this position thrust upon him, did I just write that? Thrust? Oh dear, you know what I meant. I just don't think it was very fair of you to chose this for him without letting him have a say in the matter and then to just abandon him when he needed you most. You know he would not have done the same to you._

_ I do apologize if this seems a bit harsh, but you and Alistair are both dear friends to me. It pains me to see either of you suffering. _

_ I hope to see you withing a few months._

_Leliana_

_P.S I do plan on sending some shoes your way_

"Leliana..." Amell places the letter on her desk. "Ugh..." Aggravated with herself and a bit astonished with her past actions she sits heavily in her study chair. "I really didn't think of it that way...any of it." She pauses and contemplates how Alistair, her friend and former lover must feel. Body shuttering, she rubs tired hands over her face.

She feels for Alistair, really she does. Then again, it had only been hours when she had become a Warden that she was thrown into suddenly being in charge of people and their lives. But being King is different and she knows it. No justifying anything there. Eventually, he'll learn to forgive her, maybe even begin to like being Royalty.

"Ha, I doubt it." She quirks.

A feeling of shame washes over her. Remembering the look on his face when he'd all at once became quickly aware of what becoming a King meant. That they were done. The pained and betrayed expression he had, is now almost too much to bare.

Her eyes moisten and her lip trembles. "I'm such a bitch." She whimpers into her palms. "Andraste help me...help him..."

She had been present at his coronation. He hadn't looked at her, hadn't thrown her a glance, nothing. He had accepted crown and duty with slumped shoulders. She had watched in heavy regret and guilt, her dreams no longer a possibility.

Still, he had granted her one request. Announcing to all, that Mages were to govern themselves. Even after this great gift, she'd refused his pleas to stay in Denerim and act as healer and consort in his royal court. Did she refuse because she would one day have to see him marry another woman? Or was it because she new that she would probably become his mistress. Maybe, just maybe she was scared that both might happen.

Heart already broken, she knows that she wouldn't have been able to suffer the indignity of any more torture. But was it _right_? Was it the right thing for her to do? To leave him alone the way she did?

"Stop dwelling on this, it's done. You can't keep going back to things you could have done for him..." _For anyone_. She could have done things differently for Alistair, for Cullen, for Irving, even for Jowan.

Tired, so very tired. She decides that maybe diving into studying and preparing for the new arrivals will help keep her mind of these thoughts.

_Brooding is not going to help solve anything. Push forward and make a difference, that's all you're good at. Keep doing that._

* * *

><p>For three weeks, the mage Amell has been studying tirelessly and he's been keeping an eye on her. She'd be in the library at all hours of the night or in the potions class researching new tinctures and salves. Hardly eating or sleeping, the captain knows all too well the need for trying to keep busy.<p>

He hadn't meant to, but it's suddenly become a habit to take her hound for a walk along the island in the morning. It started as a one time thing, then quickly became routine. The doors to Kinloch no longer in need of being bolted shut, most people were welcome to go where they pleased on the island. Not like anyone could go far anyways.

Tonight is different. The breeze is warm, the sky and lake are clear. Cullen decides to remove his armor and settles for a white cotton shirt and his regular everyday brown pants. He heads downstairs to the main hall and gives a nod with his chin in the direction of his comrades.

"Going for a stroll at this hour Captain?" Kailen asks a bit perplexed.

Cullen raises a brow and shrugs. "It's nice out. Just trying to enjoy the quiet while it lasts."

"I hear you on that one Sir." The younger Templar looks to either side of his Commanding officer. "Where's the Mabari?"

"Must be with Amell." He comments and heads outside.

Breathing in the warm air, he makes his way towards the larger rocks behind the tower he's become familiar with. Now easily his favorite spot, he finds solitude and comfort in this little area. The water is so reflective, it's almost hard to tell lake from sky.

Resting a hand on one knee, he tosses small pebbles into the water thoughtlessly. Relaxing, when was the last time he could truly remember himself just relaxing?

"Woof!"

_Woof?_ The Templar glances over his shoulder to see Marsh bounding excitedly towards him. "What are you doing here? Did the men let you out?" The giant dog comes to a stop, his massive tongue dangling from his jowls.

"Woof!" The animal bounds and turns in circles.

"Uh huh. Sorry I don't speak Mabari." Cullen dusts of his hands on his thighs and gets up to meet the dog.

Marsh bounces backwards and does another circle. "Boof..." Cullen raises a brow, _that was a different noise_.

The captain catches on and grunts. "You want me to follow you, don't you?" His shoulders drop.

"WOOF!" Marsh jumps excitedly.

"Never a moments peace." The templar slowly makes his way back to the tower following the mabari all the way up the stairs to the library.

"Woof!" the hound pants out, almost silently, like he knows to _shhh_ in this place.

"There's no one and nothing here, but books." Cullen looks down at the strange animal. "I'm not about to read you a book. I'm not that crazy, well not yet anyways." He admits to the empty room and rests his hands on his waist. "Alright, this place gives me the creeps when there's no one in it, so lets go." He points to the hall way, but Marsh stays put, his little stub wagging behind him.

"Come on." Cullen pats his thigh, hoping to coerce the beast into following him. "I bet Amell is wondering..."

"WOOF!" the dog trots off out of his view.

"For the love of Andraste..." Cullen heaves a heavy sigh and goes after the dog. Rounding a corner beside a shelf, the Captain finds Marsh standing in front of a room with the door just barely cracked open. "The Repair room..."

"Boof..." the hound wags his stub again.

Cullen peaks his head into the dully lit room and squints to make out anything in the dark. "Selena?" He opens the door a bit more and lets the light poor in. The Warden is slumped over a desk sleeping soundlessly, her head resting on her forearms.

Again, he looks down to the mabari to see him wagging his stubby tail affectionately. "Why me?"

All he receives as an answer from his dog tormenter, is a tilt of the head and a low whine.

"Fine. But you owe me." He huffs out a shaky breath. Gently, he pries a book from under her arm so that it doesn't fall. One forearm under her knees and the other going behind her back he gathers her into his arms. In response, she nuzzles her face against his neck.

The templar glares down at the mabari. "I think you planned this on purpose. Are you positive you're not a demon?"

Another low whine is his only answer.

"Fine."

He blows out the candle, closes the door with his foot (not and easy task) and heads down the hall. He pushes the door open to her quarters without hitting her head, even he's amazed at that feat. Taking a look around the dark chamber, he sees Marsh's silhouette standing in front of the archway.

"Woof..."

"Shhh..." Cullen shakes his head, truly this devil dog was sent to torment him. Selena begins to stir in his arms, he can feel her hands snake up to the back of his neck and grip at the edge of the collar on his shirt. Her breath against his exposed skin sends shivers down his spine to other areas.

The captain stares at the dark outline of the hound. "I hate you." He whispers.

Adjusting his hold, he takes a few steps and the mage lets out a few groans against his collar bone. _This will surely be the death of me, just get her into the bed and leave, quickly._

Feeling his way around this foreign room with his feet, he does his best not to stumble into anything or knock anything over. Finally reaching the archway, he catches his elbow on the stone edging. "Damn it." He hushes and bites his lip. Letting out an exasperated breath, he reaches the bed, deposits Amell softly onto the covers and turns to leave.

With one step, he walks into Marsh, trips over the hound, tries to steady himself on the frame of the doorway, misses that completely and crashes onto the armoire and crashes to the floor.

"What the?" The candles in the room are instantly lit and Selena is sitting on her bed looking down at him, puzzled. "Are you alright?" She asks, trying not to laugh at the sight before her.

The Knight Captain, sitting on her floor, with her robes and other clothing scattered all over the floor and all over himself. "I swear this isn't what it looks like." He raises his hands in surrender, and tries to blow a feather from her robe out of his face.

"Mmhmm..."She's still trying not to laugh.

He puffs out air at the stubborn feather again. "This isn't funny."

The mage begins to laugh, as soon as she does, his attention goes to the floor and he can't help but do the same. "By the way, I hate your dog." He continues laughing.

She sits giggling and realizes that this is the first time she's ever heard him laugh. _Weird_. The laugh lines at his eyes and his mouth suddenly reminder that he's not just a Templar, but a person, a man. _Push those thoughts far, very far back Amell._

Regaining their composure, she helps the poor man off the floor. "I appreciate what you tried to do."

"Not a problem." He helps her pick up the clothing off the floor. "Do me a favor, next time fall asleep in your bed."

"All the better for you to find me there?" She says a bit mischievous but doesn't know why. "Oh and these are mine." The mage recovers her underclothes from his shoulder.

Turning a bright shade of pink, Cullen attempts an awkward smile and rubs at his neck. "Uh right. I'll be going now, while I still have some dignity left. Don't worry I can see myself out. Good night Sera."

"Night."

_Their both evil_, he concludes while closing the door behind himself and swearing under his breath.


	4. Chapter 4 : Patience

**A/N :**

_Same as last time, writing like this is either what they are thinking or something that took place in the past._

__**Disclaimer :**  
><em><br>I don't own a darn thing...booo...  
><em>

**Chapter 4**

Devotion, being a Templar is to be devoted to the protection of the people and of the mages. Above all, to be a Templar Knight is to be devoted to the Maker and that which the Order dictates.

_Concentrate._ Cullen clears his mind and holds firmly at the hilt of his sword. _Deep breath._ The Knight captain readies his shield and his stance, while continuing to stare at his practice wooden target. Hardening his eyes, his shoulders give a quick jolt as his body tenses with the sudden release of a Cleansing Wave.

"Hmm. You sure are getting faster with that, Sir." Kailen notices.

Relaxing his muscles, Cullen sheathes his sword and wipes his brow. "Well, it's a talent that can _always_ come in handy. I never really thought much of it before...and well, I guess it could have been of good use in the past."

The younger Templar seems to consider this. "I guess you're right. That's actually some good advice Sir." The young Knight's hazel eyes follow the movements of his commanding officer. "Do you think I will ever need to actually use that on anyone?" He asks honestly.

As Cullen walks by Kailen, he gives the younger man a quick squeeze on the shoulder. "For your sake, I hope not." He tries to offer the other man a reassuring smile.

* * *

><p>Patience, perish the thought. Whoever heard of having to have that sort of gift when it came to potion making and herbology? <em>Who was she kidding.<em> Over tired, that's her problem. Lack of sleep and of concentration produces mistakes and that in turn produces frustration, which leads to...well no more patience.

"Amell." Wynne peaks into the library from the hallway. "Dear I think it's time you brought your efforts somewhere else, or if that fails to help, maybe get some rest." The older woman offers the warden a hot cup of tea.

"Oh, tea, thanks Wynne." Amell blows and sips lightly at her mug. "You know I was thinking the same actually."

"Were you now? So drink that up, it should help you sleep." The Enchantress brims warmly.

Selena looks up at the other mage, lost. "What? Oh, no." She puts down her tea and begins looking for her parchments.

"No?" Wynne asks confused.

The younger woman continues scrambling through her notes. "I was thinking of another...Maker where is that parchment?" She pushes her herbal book aside and finds what she's looking for. "Ah ha!" Amell holds out the papers in front of herself proudly. "Please, I need you to look these over. I want to commission the dwarfs for another project."

Wynne takes the parchments and sits down. "Dearest, I don't think that there are founds...or that anyone would..."

"Pff. I have the coin to pay for the project myself." Amell continues to sip at her tea. "You remember how much coin I was able to acquire over the past year and a half don't you?" The mage laughs.

Shocked that the younger mage would even consider using her own hard earned money to pay for anything to do with the tower, surprises Wynne. "Yes I do remember. However, I didn't think that you would gladly spend it on the tower."

Stunned, Selena studies the other woman. "Really, why? This is my home. I'm just upgrading it." The warden nods over to her parchments. "Please, read. I've already got Dagna to go over it. I just wanted to make sure it was alright with an Enchanter before I sent it out."

* * *

><p>"Shouldn't we wait for Gregoire to approve something like this?" The Knight Captain deposits some parchments onto his desk. He folds his fingers together. "I'm very impressed that you're willing to pay for something like this out of your own pocket...it's just, usually something like <em>this<em> would need a Knight Commanders approval and then the approval of the Knight Divine."

"Captain." Selena smooths out her robes as she sits calmly in the chair just in front of the Templar. "As you recall, the Order doesn't really have much of a say over the tower anymore, you are here only to protect." That last bit came out a little bit more sour then she intended. "I'm not requesting that mages be set free, but that an addition be built. Think of it as a place of learning..."

"A green house, to be a place of learning?" He snickers. "And this isn't just some ordinary green house you want built either."

"I know that." The mage breathes in deeply. "Look, I just think a green house, that's built out of stone and has enchanted windows, wouldn't be so bad to have around. That way there, we the seniors and templars can still manage the mages who aren't suppose to be outside roaming the island. Me and Wynne both agree that going into the green house as well as venturing out onto the island will be considered a privilege."

The Templar continues to listen attentively, and for some reason, she finds that his gaze makes her feel awkward.

"A privilege that can be taken away. Also, mages known to have a history of intolerance will have a Templar guide when they are to venture onto the island." She shrugs her shoulders, thinking this sounds reasonable, considering that the mages never had any freedom to begin with.

Cullen sighs. "I don't like the island bit...but it's not my call." The Knight brings his hands up to his chin and allows it to rest on his fingers. "Well, thank-you for bringing this to my attention regardless. You didn't have to...but you did. I appreciate not leaving me in the dark."

Selena nods. "Of course. I always have and still consider the Templars a necessity amongst mages. I believe it's in the best interest of both the mages and the general population that the Order continues to exist. However, I think it's time that we begin coexisting together, rather then just tolerating one another. Couldn't you agree?"

"Uhm...To a point yes." Cullen shifts in his seat.

Selena smiles in his direction. "You don't have to explain. I know that you are still uncomfortable with...magic. I guess I would be too if..."

Cullen clears his throat. The less mentioned of the past, the easier it is to forget about it, so he believes. "Yes, well..." He stands and makes way towards Amell to hand her the paper work. "Thanks again for showing me this."

"Your welcome Knight Captain." Taking her documents with her she heads for the courier.

* * *

><p><em>What will the Knight Commander say? What will he think of you?<em> Cullen berates himself for letting Amell go through with sending of that request. _Does it really matter what the Commander will think or say?_ Not like he could of done anything differently. Besides, being able to do this, looked like it meant a great deal to her.

_And? So what if it does? Why do you care?_ The Templar continues staring at the meal before him.

"Not one for food lately, Captain?" He hears Kailen ask him.

"Wha...? Oh, uhm. I guess not." Cullen rubs at his temples. "I think I've been over doing it, with practicing those Cleansing Waves."

Kailen rips a chunk off of his bread and begins chewing it. "Yeah, I've noticed that. You usually go for a walk afterwards as well. Seems to be a bit of a routine you got going on." He downs some wine. "Don't think the hound minds one bit though."

Cullen's brow twists at the thought of that hound. Devil dog. "I have to agree, he's not the best company, but he's quiet, just follows me around and chases a stick. Simple is always a nice change of pace."

"Can't agree with you more there Sir. But it's been a bit quiet here as of late." The younger man begins digging into his meal. "So do you get migraines, bleeding noses and nightmares too? You know from practicing? Mikael has been doing the same, and that's what he's been complaining about."

"Yes..." Cullen agrees, but knows that _his_ nightmares are from different origins. "Mikael has been practicing Cleansing Waves?" The Captain is suddenly interested. Mikael, just one rank under him has never had an interest in this talent before. So he finds it odd that he has taken a sudden liking to it.

"Yup. He started not long after...well, you know. When he saw how long it took you to recover from your...experience, he said he wanted to be prepared. Seeing that you already had experience in that area and still had some troubles, he figured best safe then sorry."

"Guess that makes sense." Cullen decides to wave off his curiosity. "So what has he been doing to take care of the after affects?" He asks, while pinching the bridge of his nose trying to ward off an oncoming headache.

The younger Templar finishes his meal and pushes the plate aside. "Well, he told me that he started getting herbal remedies off of the warden. Says it's been doing wonders for him." Kailen's eyes brighten. "Plus while she makes him a batch he gets a nice view." The young man winks.

"Right..." Cullen rolls his eyes in return. Scoundrels, the lot of them, he thinks. "So how long has he been taking these remedies?"

The Knight ponders a moment. "Hmm, about two weeks I guess. It's her own blend she makes, all you have to do is drink it like a tea. Apparently, knocks you right out about half an hour later. No dreams what-so-ever, no nose bleeds and best of all no migraines."

_No dreams?_ Cullen's eyes beam over to where Amell is sitting, eating and talking with Wynne. To have a dreamless sleep and to wake up rejuvenated. To escape the thought of...

"So Captain, what do you think? Gonna give it a try?" Kailen picks up his dishes as well as those of his commanding officer.

Cullen looks up at the other man. "Thanks. I think I will."

* * *

><p>"You again?" Selena opens her door to allow her new frequent visitor in.<p>

"Uhm...yes." Cullen clears his throat, thinking that gesture is becoming a bit of a habit as well. "Sorry, was I intruding?"

"No." The mage chimes. "What can I do for you Cullen?" She gestures for him to sit.

Feeling a bit sheepish, he rubs the back of his neck. "I've been...well up keeping with my practices on Cleansing Waves." Why did he think she would judge him for that? Even if she did why should it matter? Instead of seeing disappointment in her face, all he sees is Amell still paying attention to his every word. Neutrally.

"Go on." She ushers him.

"I've heard that you've been helping Mikael with...with the after affects that it sometimes has." He begins studying his hands as they rest on his knees.

"I see. So you've been experiencing some side affects as well?" Selena studies his reaction.

"Well they are known things to happen after using that ability. And honestly, the migraines are starting to get to me." The Templar's eyes look up from under his brow. "And I could..." He exhales a quivering breath. "Really use some help sleeping...soundlessly." Jerking up his chin, he laughs at himself. "I'm sorry my lady, but I must sound a fool to you right now."

The mage makes her way over to him. Kneeling down in front of him, she takes his large hands in her own. "Not at all." She beams up at him. "To endure what you have, and to still have the courage to carry on everyday...I can't imagine." She continues staring up at him. "Do not ever feel ashamed to ask me for help, I could never pass judgement on something I have not personally been subject to. And don't worry Captain, your secret is safe with me, it is not my business to discuss anyone's affairs." She pats the top of his hands and heads for her study.

Gathering up some of her dried herbs, and some of her tinctures, she adds them to a jar, then adds a bit of honey and closes the lid. Giving it a good shake, she then reopens the jar, studies the contents and then reseals the lid.

"That should help." She makes her way back towards the Captain. "One teaspoon of this and add hot water, drink that every night before bed. If that doesn't work within a week, come back and we will try something else."

Cullen quickly stands. "Thank you, Sera." He smiles nervously and takes the tincture.

"Hopefully, this keeps you from my underclothes." She smirks.

Shoulders slumping, he broods. "You had to bring that up?"

Selena shrugs. "But of course kind Sir, it's the only bit of fun around here that I can possibly find."

"Right...So I will try this tonight?" Cullen tries to steer the conversation in a more serious direction.

"What? My underclothing or that tonic?" Grinning evilly, Selena folds her arms, waiting for his response. _Oh come on, this is too much fun!_

His face does an amusing dance between 'seeing a ghost' white to down right flustered red. "Excuse...Wha-?" Cullen shakes his head lightly. "The tonic, of course my lady."

"Right now in my room? I must say Knight Captain, isn't that against..."

"Oh...uhm...Stop that. You're twisting my words and having a bit more fun than you should have with it." Jittery, Cullen swishes the jar from hand to the other. Opening the door and backing out, he points an angry finger at her. "You're insufferable, you know that?"

"Yes. It's part of my charm." The mage laughs, watching the Knight back out of her room.

* * *

><p>"So, one teaspoon." Cullen adds the tincture mix to his cup of steaming water. "Hopefully, this works. I really don't want to have to go back and ask to try something else."<p>

Half hour goes by and Cullen decides to call it a night. Tired, he actually _feels_ like he could sleep soundlessly. In nothing but his under clothing, he climbs into his down covered bed. For once, he actually feels comfortable.

Stifling a yawn with his fist, he stretches back and then allows himself to fall into the deep dark abyss.

* * *

><p>"Cullen!" The Captain can hear someone shouting at him. Opening his eyes, he can just make out the shape of someone sitting at the side of his bed. "Wow, it's about time you wake up."<p>

Slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he registers that the voice and frame before him belongs to a female someone.

"What's going on? Is there trouble?" He glances to the window in his room and realizes that it's still dark out.

"You tell me?" The female flicks her wrist and a candle on the bedside table lights up.

Eyes adjusting to the lighting, Cullen squints. "Selena?" _It's a trick, you're dreaming..._ "What are you...?" He begins rubbing at his temples. "I'm dreaming...I wasn't suppose to. Go away. Abomination..."

Calmly, she grabs hold of his hands. "Cullen. You're not dreaming. The tonic worked fine. A little too well in your case."

The Templar looks up at her squinting again. "What time is it? And why are you here?"

"It's about four hours till sunrise." She places her hands in her lap. "You were, experiencing a nightmare, I assume. But the tonic was so strong that your mind doesn't register it. So you would have probably waken up assuming you had a dreamless night, when in reality, you didn't."

"Uh huh...I'm still confused." Cullen shifts in his covers, feeling very warm.

"Cullen. You were shouting. I could hear you all the way into my quarters. You scared me half to death. I'm surprised no one else was alarmed."

Suddenly very aware the Captain ruffles his hair. "Maker. What was I shouting?" He looks to her for answers, his face actually rested, but his current state proving otherwise.

"You were yelling something about abominations and begging for someone to stop...and..."

Cullen shrugs and waits. "And what?" He asks not wanting to know the answer.

"My name. You were shouting for me. Not at me, but almost as if you were trying to keep me from harm...does that make sense?"

"No..."He says, shaking, lying and he knows she can tell, and he's grateful she doesn't persist.

She rests a hand on his knee and physically feels him shake under her touch. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know that the tea would affect you like that."

Again, he lets out a ragged sigh and combs through his hair with his fingers. "Don't be. It's actually the best sleep I've had in a very long time." He snorts. "That's kind of pathetic isn't it?" He states more then asks.

"I don't think so." For some reason, her heart just tends to feel for the poor man who's had to go through so much. She can't describe why, all she knows is that she can understand his pain.

The features on his face no longer looking so flushed, he allows his eyes to meet hers. He shares with her a rare, quick smile. She concludes in that moment, that he's a very handsome man and why hasn't she noticed this before?

Slowly, she leans forward, her grip tightening on his knee.

Baffled and a little scared, Cullen backs up into his headboard. "Selena?"

Smiling affectionately, she brings her face a bit closer to his. "It's ok." Closing her eyes she plants the simplest, lightest kiss on his lips.

His big brown eyes still open, his body begins to relax and give in. Eyes beginning to close he brushes her right cheek with his thumb.

The quick kiss ending, Amell pulls back gently.

"I...why did you do that?" The Captain asks completely perplexed.

"Looked like you needed it. You had a look of complete confusion. Don't know, thought it would help you realize that you weren't loosing your mind." She quirks, thinking that sounded reasonable.

"So you take advantage of me when I'm vulnerable?" Cullen crosses his arms, looking serious.

"What? No! I would..." She notices the Captain's frame shaking, as if trying not to laugh. "Hey...wait a minute."

"I'm sorry my lady." He props himself up using both his hands. "I just couldn't help myself. For all the times you jab at me, I thought it only fair." He smiles that smile she's beginning to really like and looks at her from the corner of his eyes. "Please don't tell me that I've offended you."

"Not at all." She grins. "But my jabs will no longer be as innocent."

The mage sees him swallow hard on that note. Noticing the way the muscles in the Captains neck and chest move, when he does, Selena finds herself studying him more.

Deciding to lay back down, Cullen begins adjusting himself in bed, as he does, the warden notices the tight muscles attached to his frame. As he goes to pull up on his covers Selena can clearly tell that he's only wearing his underclothes. Her face must turn a bright shade of red, because now it's his turn to grin.

"See something of interest Amell?" He folds the sheets at his chest.

Clearing her throat, she makes way for the door. "I have no idea what you are talking about." She makes sure not to show her face.

"Of course. Sweet dreams Selena." He continues that ever growing grin.

"Uh...thanks. Have a pleasant night Captain." The mage silently opens the door and leaves his quarters. Closing the door behind her, she sighs and makes her way back to her room.


	5. Chapter 5 : Shades of Blue

**A/N : Very long chapter. Be warned, sexual content in this chapter, don't like it, skip ahead.**

**Dislaimer : :(**

**Chapter 5**

Blue.

Why does it always have to be blue? There was always some kind of reminder about magic around. Cullen couldn't seem to get over the fact that every time he thought of one of his memories to do with magic he would see that blasted color there.

If he was repelling magic, usually he would cast a blue aura. His Cleansing Wave, is blue. As well as his other abilities, all showed blue somehow. Lyrium, a sparkling blue substance he relies on to be able to use his talents. These are all things he has to use as protection against magic.

Magic.

Mages, when healing, most would cast a blueish tinged light from their hand. The lightning spells, the spirit spells, when the mages were in the veil...blue.

Sometimes, after dealing with an apostate or abomination, or just a regular mage that had got out of hand, the Knight Captain would look at himself in the mirror. He would see black and blue bruises decorating his body.

For some reason, when he thought of Selena, he didn't think of that color. Instead he found that green always came to mind. Her piercing emerald orbs, as bright as the wild fields in the summer.

Green, now that's a strong, safe, comforting color, but delicate as well, like a freshly blooming flower.

When Selena would cast her spells, it was different. Her healing spells were always a bright green light. Cullen decides that it's probably because she's more connected with the earth, since her study of choice has to do with plants, elements and healing. Very few would combine these, since there's not a whole lot to rely on as a defense. However, being as advance as the warden is in her Elemental spells, he decides that she has chosen wisely. Where most mages are having to practice a stack of different defense spells and try to advance them all, Amell only has about a dozen to continually practice and continually strengthen. Smart indeed.

* * *

><p>Cullen lies in his bed staring out the window, the rays from the morning sun starting to creep across his floor. "I actually went back to sleep...odd." Not unwelcome, he admits, but refreshing for once.<p>

Getting out of bed, he heads for his fresh clothing and starts the morning ritual of putting on his Templar armor. Fully dressed, he begins heading for his door while strapping on his sword. He stops when he notices his reflection in the mirror. Taking a step closer, the Captain notices that the dark blueish circles that usually underline his eyes have faded.

"Hmm." He approves.

Memories of last night and Selena come to mind. The apples of his cheek blush slightly and he touches his lips with his fingers. He pulls his hand away slowly and stares at his gauntlet.

"Don't let that happen again." Cullen warns himself. "You're stronger than that." Straightening his posture he leaves the room.

* * *

><p>Selena didn't go to sleep after leaving Cullen's room last night. Instead, she spent the night studying her books and plants, making notes and placing things and then reading again.<p>

Just as the sun had begun to rise, there was a knock at her door. Terrified that it was a certain Templar, Selena did the only thing she could think of, she took a breath and made her way to the door.

_Daft girl, you need to let this man down easy. You know that he cares for you. You already shattered another Templar, whom you're still in love with but don't want to admit it. Are you really going to use this one too? Do you want to hurt him just to get over your former lover?_ Amell decides to quiet her inner voice for now and just answer the door.

"Hello...?" To her surprise, it isn't a six foot something tall Templar standing before her, but a three foot ten inches tall Dagna.

"Hi Amell. I brought you some more books." She says while smiling brightly.

Her nervousness fading, the mage moves aside to let the dwarf enter. "Dagna, what a surprise and thank you once more."

Dagna deposits the books onto the little study and then pats a welcoming Marsh on the head. Satisfied that the hound has been properly scratched behind the ears, she turns her attention to what looks like a very distant Amell. Her face softens.

"Selena...You alright?" Dagna makes her way to the sofa and takes a seat.

"Hmmm? Me?" The mage blinks a few times and sits in the opposite chair. "Yeah, I'm fine." She smiles unconvincingly.

Not buying it, Dagna leans forward. "Listen, I'm going to be kind of blunt."

Selena's eyes lock with her friends, showing that this woman has her full attention. "Go ahead."

"You've been studying too much. Working too much. You hardly eat or sleep. I admire your 'get it done' attitude, but I think you're covering. Something's bugging you. When someone dives that deep into things, it's because they're running away from things, trying to forget memories they would rather not dwell on." Dagna tilts her head to the side and plays with one of her braids. "I might not be the best in the knowledge of adventuring, but I've read...a lot. I'm also really good at profiling people. Real good."

The little dwarf stops playing with her hair and her features become serious. "I would like to think we are friends..."

The mage can't help herself, she has to interrupt. "Oh Dagna, of course we are..."

The dwarf woman smiles. "Good. Then I think you should tell me what's going on...from the start. Everything." Before Amell can protest, Dagna places a hand over her heart and the other is in the air. "I promise to not utter a word to anyone...and yes, as much as I would loooove to catalog The Warden's story and put it with my most prized possessions...I will do no such thing. You have my word as a friend."

"I..." The mage's fingers play at the trimming of her robe. "Alright...I'll have to start from when I took my Harrowing. Otherwise, you'll probably be lost."

* * *

><p>Just a few more weeks and his comrades will be returning, well for the most part they will be new brothers of the order, but at least there will be more Templars here. However, there will also be more mages.<p>

Cullen shifts uneasy in his armor as he makes his way back from the training room. For the most part, they had all done well, Cullen had requested that Wynne help them today in the training. She did, but he found that she was a little to easy on them. Why, he wonders. Usually, the enchantress was one to want people to face the real world and have real challenges. Maybe it has something to do with her age.

"Oh well." The Captain makes the choice of asking The Warden to help with training. The men need to brush up on their skills, specially with so many new recruits and mages coming this way.

Again, the Templar finds himself thinking of the kiss they shared last night, for about the fiftieth time today. He shakes the thought from his mind again.

He'll ask her tonight, he's certain that the younger mage won't be as easy on the Templars as her elder. A smirk plays at the corner of Cullen's mouth, this should bring his men back up to speed.

* * *

><p>"That's everything?" Dagna sips at the herbal tea Selena gave to her.<p>

"Yup, that's all of it." Selena nods. "Do you still think I'm that great of a Warden?" The mage blows the steam of the top of her tea.

"Of course." The dwarf quirks. "You've made some choices, some hard ones. You've had to deal with circumstances that most people wouldn't even read about. You were dealt some rough cards and you did what you thought was right. Maybe they weren't always the best of choices, but at least you did something."

"So, you really kissed the Knight Captain?" Dagna stares at her friend over the rim of her mug as she drink down some of the tea.

Selena chokes on a bit of her own drink. "Does that really matter?"

"Does it?" Dagna lifts a brow.

Sensing the real meaning behind her question, the mage shifts in her seat. "No...maybe...I...I don't know..." She sighs.

"You still love Alistair don't you?" Dagna places her tea on the table.

"Yes."

"Are you still in love with him? Because loving and being in love are two different things." The dwarf reassures her friend.

"I know." The mage stares at her warm drink. "I'm not really sure to be honest. But I do still love him...don't think that will ever change."

"I'm going to ask a rather frank question. Are you using Cullen and studying as a way to forget the king? Or do you think you might be developing feelings for the Captain?" Dagna waits patiently.

"You know, I'm not really sure." The warden admits. "I have thought about it like that, but I'm just not sure. Uhh, this is so frustrating."

The little dwarf giggles. "Yes, but you have to admit, it's kind of poetic. Or maybe that's just me."

"I think that's just you." Selena laughs, dragging a hand through her thick mane.

Dagna begins sipping her tea again. "You know, his brown eyes and the way he shaves his face...he's rather handsome. I've seen him a few times out of his armor, even though he has loose fitting clothing, you can still see he's very well built."

"Yeah..."Selena replies half in thought.

Dagna begins to laugh. "Wow, you have men on the brain..."

"What...oh my..." The mage blushes. "So he's an attractive man."

"That you haven't really noticed till recently? What's a guy gotta do Amell? Walk around naked?" Dagna slaps her knee still giggling.

"Uhmm..." Selena can feel her ears beginning to redden.

"I'm sorry my friend, I seem to be having to much fun at your expense." The young girl wipes at her eyes, trying to stifle anymore laughter.

"It would never work anyways. Chantry forbids it, or anything like it." Selena stares out her window. "It's why I had to put Alistair on the throne and I had to walk away. He would never been able to have a normal life with me. I'm a mage, warden or not, no matter where we would have gone, MAGE sticks out above all. At least now, he has a chance to have a family and to make a difference in Ferelden, a real difference. Not just death and loneliness that comes with being a warden. At least now, he has a chance to truly be happy."

Dagna's smile fades. "Is that what you think you did for him? Don't you think that maybe you were his real happiness?"

Amell's eyes water. "Yes. I know. I just need him to live, to be happy and to be safe." And there it is. What _she_ needs. It was never about what he would need. She finally knows that this was all for her. Greedy little mage. "Andraste, I'm so selfish. I just wanted him away from dark spawn and danger. He's always running head first into everything. He's always the first person jumping into the fray. That's why I got him to _sleep_ with...in case he got to the Archdemon first...it's why I made him King. But by making Royalty, sure he's no longer involved in warden business as much, I've probably painted the biggest target on him. By the Maker, what have I done?"

"You were just trying to protect the one thing that meant the most to you. I don't see any harm in that. But there were other ways you could have done it." The dwarven girl says softly. "I'm not here to judge you sweety, I'm just giving my opinion, but I can shut up if you want."

"No, no of course not." The mage smiles, her eyes still watery. "I think I just realized that I need to write a letter, maybe even in a few months pay a visit to Denerim, if he'll want my company."

Dagna nods her approval. "That's a good idea."

* * *

><p>After dinner, Selena decides the day is just too inviting to waste. Letting out a low whistle she calls for Marsh, who excitedly bounds towards her. "Lets go outside for a bit." She pats him lovingly on the head and then ruffles his ears.<p>

The happy dog trots along side her as they make their way towards the beach area just out back. Most don't venture here because it's fairly barren, the only thing of interest is the small beach and tall grasses. On their way there, she notices a someone heading back.

"Captain?" Selena waves. "Hello."

Marshes ears perk and his head is just seen in the tall grass.

"Uhm, Hello." He greats awkwardly. "Your beast took off before I could catch up and made his way back to the tower without me. But I see he's found you and is now safe."

"Huh, stealing another walk are you boy?" She looks down at her pet.

"WOOF!" the hound answers excited at the fact that he's outside yet again.

The Captain rubs the back of his neck, and sees the mage studying him. "I was actually just going to see you. I was wondering..."

Selena shakes her head and raises her hands. "Look about last night. I was just..." She still finds it's strange to see him without his templar uniform.

"If you could help me with training some of the younger Templars, tonight." Cullen finishes, as if totally dismissing what she was saying.

"You wanted me to...oh...sure! Actually, I could use some brushing up as well. Should do everyone some good." The mage, excited with the chance to actually focus her energies elsewhere, begins planning out strategies in her mind. "So what do you want me to teach them?"

"To be prepared for anything. Please, don't be easy on them, maybe a little at first, but codling them will not teach them anything." Cullen states, shifting his wait to his other leg.

"Ahh, Wynne was helping you earlier wasn't she?" Amell laughs and Cullen nods. "I see. Alright, later tonight then." Selena takes a step forward, Cullen watches her from the corner of his eye. "Are you training as well?"

"Don't know. I might." He shrugs and plucks some grass.

Wanting to know but not wanting to actually ask, Amell bites at her lower lip. "Did you sleep alright, you know after..."

The Knight Captain nods. "Yes. Fine actually."

"Did you want to try a different tonic? Maybe one that won't, you know." The mage is having a hard time finding the right words.

"Make me shout at the top of my lungs and scream in torture for a mage?" He says so matter-of-factly and smirks.

Amell blinks a few times, stunned with his bluntness. "Uhm, yeah. Are you alright Knight Captain?"

"Fine. Why?" Cullen rolls his shoulders as if easing off any tension there. Nervous, he tosses the grass to the ground and pockets his hands.

"You seem...I don't know." Selena decides to drop it. "Anyways, about last night..."

The Templar takes a few brisk steps closer to her. "Shouldn't have happened." He states looking at the waters of the Lake.

Surprised at his sudden movements, Selena is taken aback. "Oh, I'm sorry." Her eyes fall to the ground. "I know...you just looked so confused. I just didn't want you to think that you were still...still in that cage. You needed to know that you weren't being tortured. That you were awake, and safe and that I was real. Just moments before that, you sounded exactly the way you did when I had found you...before..." She can feel her eyes moistening for the second time today. "I needed you to know that I wasn't leaving you there to have Maker knows what done to you...even if you were dreaming." The mage dabs her sleeves at the edge of her eyes."Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm tired, it makes me emotional." She continues wiping her eyes.

_She cares for you. She might not love you, but she cares for your well being, you idiot._ The features of his face going from stone cold to warm, he lets his heart decide what to do. Closing the gap between them, he pulls Amell towards his frame and kisses her.

Wanting to push away, Selena places her hands on his chest, but finds that she just doesn't want to move. He's strong and safe and gentle and so welcoming. Instead, her hands make a trail up to his face, her thumbs caress his stubble and jaw line. The Captain takes this as a reassuring gesture and tilts his head further, deepening their kiss, which rewards him with a gasping moan from his little mage.

Templar senses are warning him, yelling at him to stop this at once. Instead, he continues, finding the warm and soft texture of her tongue too inviting. Again, the Templar in him warns, _she's too dangerous_. Dropping his guard, he places a hand at the small of her back, pressing her figure against him. His right hand tangles itself in her lengthy hair.

"Cullen..."Selena tries to breath out. "We shouldn't..." but she continues kissing him.

"I know..." His right hand tightening it's grip in her hair as they continue.

"This is wrong..."She pulls him back.

"I know...I can't stop... "Beginning to become more bold, his tongue dives further into her mouth. "Amell...Maker..." Cullen knows he can't stop on his own now. "Tell me to stop..." He squeezes her frame closer and their kiss becomes more rapid.

Both scared, tired, fragile and lonely, committing a sin together, it's all so wrong, maybe that's why it feels right.

Her hands inch down to the edge of his shirt and then slowly make they're way back up, sliding over trained and hard skin, up to his chest. A rough groan forms at the back of his throat, sending heat to her stomach. Fingers dance across his muscles, then she notices something, a scar? Still kissing her templar her index trails over this mark starting at his left shoulder going down to his sternum.

"Just a scar..." He whispers huskily against her mouth as he catches her lips again. She feels his thumb run across her collar bone. "Push me away, something..." He kisses her neck, she tilts her head allowing more access. "Anything but this..." Gently he places her on the grass beneath himself.

"But you want this..." She pulls at his shoulders, bringing him down. Their hips instinctively grinding together. His heart pounding in his chest, she can feel it against her own. He continues planting kisses on her neck and begins tugging at the material at her shoulder. Again, her hips shudder.

"Yes..."He answers, and allows her to remove his shirt. "You know that." He places himself back over Amell, kissing her, beginning to slowly hike up her robe. She nibbles at his bottom lip and undoes the draw string to his trousers. "We have to stop..."

"I know." Selena kisses at the edge of his jaw and lingers her fingers near the lining of his pants. "It's a sin, but I don't care, not anymore."

"But you love another." He looks into her green orbs, his body is shivering with want.

Her hand makes its way to his length and me moans. "Does it matter?" She asks, concerned. The Knight Captains body shakes above her and his cheeks and neck turn a light pink. "Right now? Does it matter?" Her hand slides up, then back down, she continues repeating the motion.

His lips crash onto hers. His answer. Lifting her clothing up to her hips, Cullen grabs her small clothes with his thumb and pulls it aside, just enough to allow himself access. He stops. "Does it matter for you?" He asks, his face stern. "Will you be thinking of him?"

"I..." Her lips tremble. "I care for you."

"This is already a sin as it is. But I love you, you already know that. I can't help it. The Maker will deal with me in his own way." Her hips try to reach his length, but be backs away just out of reach. "But you don't love me." A statement he already knew. "Maybe eventually, maybe not ever...but right now..."

"I need you." She trembles. "For now...I need to _feel_ loved..." Her eyes moisten. "Even though I doesn't deserve it. Can we just pretend?"

Not able to deny her anything, Cullen agrees. Placing himself, he slowly enters beyond her walls. The templar lets out a shaky groan. "I _do_ love you." He pulls his hips back and pushes in again, her hips joining with his.

Selena moans and arches under his massive frame. "Maker...I know." How could someone with no experience actually be this good, she wonders.

"I've only ever wanted your affections in return." Wrapping his arm under her hips, he dips in further. "But I know it's wrong...to want you... and your love."

"Cullen..." She gasps. "We'll just do this once..."

He grasps a hand full of her breast and pushes in again. "Just this once..." Hips pulling out and thrusting in again he grunts. "Tell me you love me..." He groans again and grips at the grass as her hips meet with his again.

"I...Cullen..." Can she really do that?

"Just this one time..." He stops again and takes a moment to look at her face. Pushing her hair behind her ear, he kisses her neck. "I need to hear it, even if you don't mean it...just this one time..."

"Alright." She whispers against his forehead. Even Templars have a need for something. A need to _feel_ loved.

He smiles against her skin, and then places himself between her legs again. Stiffening his shoulders, he begins to rock against her.

"Faster." Amell kisses behind his ear and he obeys. Her back arching, her finger nails gripping his massive arms. "Cullen...harder..." Again he does as commanded. The pressure building inside, he can feel a hardy groan growing inside himself. The heat begins to rise to his face as he continues.

Suddenly, her walls become even more slick and start to pulse.

"Maker...Cullen, I love you." Her fingers scratch down to his elbows living trails of blood rising to the surface.

With her walls closing around him, and her lips uttering the words he so desperately wanted to hear, the captain pushes forward one last time with a heavy carnal groan.

Arms shaking, he begins to remove himself, but he's forced back down with the little mage's hands rapped tightly around his neck. Selena plants a very thankful and passionate kiss on the man.

Gently, he rubs the length of her arms. Moaning, he slowly pulls away. "It's alright, you don't need to do that."

"Yes, I do." She pulls him back and looks into his warm eyes. "I wish I could change..."

"I know." Cullen continues rubbing her arms. "It's ok. I'll be here, either way."

"Woof!"

Both of their eyes widen. "Marsh!"

Selena adjusts her clothing and heads to her hound. "You were keeping watch the entire time...weren't you boy?" Her hands make massaging trails down the dogs back. "What a good boy you are! I'm going to have to get you a big treat."

"WOOF!" The dog pants and bounds in circles, happy that his need to protect his master is being rewarded.

"Amell..." Cullen sits, shirtless studying his arms. "I know we just, well sinned, a lot..." He clears his throat. "But I would rather it would stay discreet for the time being."

Smiling, Selena sits beside him. "Of course. My lips are sealed."

"Uhm that's not what I meant." He snorts. "Look what you've done to my arms." He points to the blood trailing and falling off his elbow. "I think there would be questions..."

"Psh...Tell them it was a demon." The mage laughs while casting her healing spell. Her hands humming a light green. She waves her hands just above the affected area and the skin nits itself back together without any trace. "There."

"Thanks." Cullen tilts her chin and kisses her lightly. "We should go. We do have men to train."

Dazed, Selena shakes herself back to reality, leaving Cullen feeling a bit smug. "Yes that we do."

The templar stands and offers the mage his hand. "So, I was good, wasn't I?" He hoists her up.

Amell's face blushes slightly. "What?" _Is he kidding?_

"Admit it. You thought, '_virgin, hmmm will he even know what to do?'_. Admit it my lady, you were thinking it." He laughs.

"Actually..." She wiggles her brow. "I was thinking more along the lines of, '_can't wait to be the one to deflower this virgin templar'_." She giggles.

Pouting, he tries to square off his jaw. "You're lying."

"Maybe." She closes the distance between them and loops her thumb in his pant lining. "But did you mind?" She says huskily breathing against his exposed collar skin.

To her surprise, he clasps her wrist, twist her around so that her back is against his him. "No. And that's the second time to you take advantage of me." He laughs and lets her go.

"What? I would never..." she places her hand on her hips. "I'm sorry."

"You're always saying that my lady." He coughs.

She lowers her gaze. "Technically. I used you. So yes, I did. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." The templar embraces her around the shoulders. "I knew what we were doing. I'm all grown up, warden. I think I can make a judgement call on my behalf." He kisses the top of her head and begins walking to the tower. "I'll see you at training Amell."

Waving in his direction, she sighs. "Alright." Her mabari still bounding around like a young rabbit. "Marsh, what did I get myself into this time?" The only response she receives is a low wine.

"Yeah that's what I thought too."


	6. Chapter 6 : Trials

**Chapter 6**

In the newly designed training room, fully dressed in his Templar armor, the Knight Captain stands before his men, stern and confident. Stone walls covered with banners featuring the Symbol of Andraste and the blue flamed Symbol of the Templar order, surround the group of Knights.

"We are trying something different this evening." Cullen explains, his hands neatly tucked behind his back. "I believe it is in your best interest to be prepared for anything." The Captain glances over to Amell, her hound, Dagna and Wynne.

"The Warden has graciously decided to offer assistance in our new training sessions." He looks over the men before him. "These trials will not be easy. However, if you were to ever be faced with unknowing dangers, I will rest easier knowing you are well prepared."

Cullen tries to hold back a grin. "Today's exercise, you'll be faced with a challenge." He nods to Wynne and Dagna, they both step forward. "You're goal, protect the civilian from any attacks. Work with the enchantress as a team, let her aid you with her spells. Defeat the rogue mage..."

At this the Warden steps forward grinning.

"Without killing her. When faced with the task of bringing an escaped Circle mage back to the tower, know that they will defend themselves any way possible. However, as part of the Order, you are charged with bringing that mage home, unharmed. The Elders here and the Knight Commander will deal with their punishment. It is not your decision to make. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Knight Captain!" The templars shout in unison.

"Sir, what if the mage turns out to be a blood mage?" Kailen steps forward.

"A blood mage, or abomination is to be terminated. No questions asked. However, if you use this as an excuse to deal with a rogue mage, you will be dealt with. There has to be proof of such accusations."

"Yes Knight Captain." The younger templar falls back in line.

"Alright, this is how it's going to work. I want three groups of five men. Each group will take turns. Remember, this is a practice scenario only. If I see anything other then that, well lets just say you'll have the warden to deal with."

* * *

><p>A few hours later and down to the last group of templars, Selena is feeling drained. However, the young knights are doing better then she had expected. Cullen had pointed out after each session, what the men could have done better and what skills each templar should work on.<p>

Now, down to the last training session, the Warden is beginning to tire, she has been doing as Cullen had asked, not taking it easy on the men. Wearing her Rock armor, she sends boulders and small ice cone spells towards her opponents. Deciding against using lightning against men in metal she would rather not fry.

The five men in this group seem to be more advanced. Kailen favors sword and shield and continues to protect Wynne from any on coming damage. Mikael with his long sword, slowly tries to make his way towards Amell, using the stone pillars for cover. The archer of the group, Rowin, whom she was recently introduce to, sends arrows her way with no intention of harm, while hovering over Dagna. The other long sword Templar, Garred, stands firmly in front of the dwarf.

Selena can see the other shield and sword Templar, Thomas, slowly creeping his way towards her behind the right hand side pillars. However, for some reason it's Garred that keeps her interest. There's something about the way his grey eyes behind that templar helm bother her.

Mikael jumps from a pillar and charges for her. Stepping to the side and dragging her staff, she trips the man. Turning over, he's faced with the sharp edge of her staff in his face.

"You just died." She explains. "One down, four to go."Mikael leaves the battle and watches from the side lines.

Grinning, the warden sends a shower of ice towards the other templars and Wynne. Kailen pushes the older mage aside and takes the brunt of the storm. Quickly rising to her feet, the enchantress sends a wave of healing towards her guardian.

Amell notices Garred side starring at the older mage. Catching him off guard, she sends a stone fist in his direction that only knocks him off his feet without any damage.

Bringing her gaze back to Thomas, she casts a few minor ice spells keeping the templar at bay.

It's now Garred's turn to take advantage of the situation. Enraged, he charges for the mage, his sword fully charged and glowing blue with Righteous Strike. Just feet away from his target he sets of a charge of Cleansing Wave, a bright blue shock wave is sent through the room, knocking Wynne to the ground and sending Selena crashing against the wall.

Briskly the templar marches over to his fallen opponent. "Bitch!" He raises his glowing blue sword. Slumped and trying to regain her composure, the mage is unaware of the danger unfolding.

Garred begins to descend his sword towards the warden, but instead of making contact with flesh, his weapon collides with something that makes a distinct '_Clang'!_

Vision blurry, Amell looks up to try and focus on where the noise is coming from. As her vision regulates she can see the Knight Captain in a protective crouch just over her frame, guarding her from harm.

Brown eyes beaming over the edge of his shield and his sword pushing back on the attackers blade, Cullen begins to stand. Still using his sword and adding more force he slides the blade down Garred's weapon. "Stand down!"

The other Templar doesn't respond, only adds more force behind his own blade. Not backing down, The Captain comes to a full stand. Using almost all of his strength, Cullen twists his own weapon with his wrist quickly dislodging the other mans long sword to the ground.

Shocked, Garred stares at his fallen blade. "She needs to be dealt with!"

"I said stand DOWN!" Cullen points the tip of his blade at the other mans chest.

Trying to press forward, Garred locks his shoulder and begins walking towards his Commanding Officer, believing that the other man will do him no harm.

With no option left, The Knight Captain smashes the templar in the helm with his shield, turns sharply and kicks out his leg tripping the soldier. Hovering over the younger man, Cullen presses his boot against the mans chest and rests the tip of his blade just over his adams apple.

"You're disobeying direct orders from your Commanding Officer!" Cullen spits out.

"But Sir...she could of killed me!" The fallen templar tries to argue.

"We are training. She's trying to prepare you for REAL dangers and REAL enemies. Not flatten you in front of a bunch of Templars who are more then capable of dealing with her, you IDIOT!" Cullen looks over to Kailen and Thomas. "Escort this excuse of a Templar to his chambers."

"Yes Sir!"

"Garred, as of tomorrow, you will be guarding the Chantry section, nights only! Also, you are to report to me every morning before heading back to your quarters." Cullen sheathes his sword.

"For how long Sir?" The younger templar asks bitterly.

His brow becoming more serious, The Captain closes in on his troupe. "Until I say otherwise. Do I make myself clear?"

"I...Yes sir." The three templars salute their Captain and leave the training grounds, with all eyes watching as they do.

Cullen heads over to Amell. "Maker, are you alright?" He offers her a hand and helps steady her as she begins to stand. "He hit you with a very large amount of that wave. Even I felt it in the air."

Legs like mud, she struggles to stand. "My head hurts..." She can feel warm liquid coming out of her nose and ears.

Worried, Cullen calls for the other mage. "Wynne! Help...please!"

"Oh dearest, let me look at you." Wynne gently pushes Amell's hair back. "Hmmm...he got you pretty good."

"What... about yourself?" Amell stammers.

"Me? This old bag of bones will be alright. Plus my guardian did very well at protecting me." She smiles. Looking over to the worried Captain, Wynne places a hand on his shoulder. "Do you mind bringing her to her quarters? I have a few things I need to gather."

"Of...of course." Scooping her up into his arms, Cullen looks over the rest of the Templars. "Trials dismissed for the day. Return to your duties. Rowin, follow me."

"Yes Sir." Rowin does as he's told and follows the Knight Captain out of the room.

"Uhm, will she be alright?" Dagna questions while watching the two men leave.

"Yes, she'll have a migraine for a few hours, but she'll be fine." Wynne reassures the young woman.

"So what did you need? I can help carry some stuff." Dagna looks up to the older mage.

"Hmm...? Oh nothing just some basic supplies, and I just wanted a moment to think." Wynne folds her arms, considering the events that just took place. "Alright, these brittle arms could use some help after all." She smiles warmly.

* * *

><p>After Wynne's departure, Cullen had suggested that Dagna stay and watch over the warden, which she had happily agreed to. Then he took Rowin aside and ask that he and Kailen take shifts for the night and guard Garred's room.<p>

Tired and nerves on edge, The Senior Templar returns to his room. Believing that he might sleep too well if he drinks Amell's tonic, he decides to rest without it.

Early in the morning, still exhausted, he returns to Amell's quarters. He knocks on the door and Dagna answers.

"Good morning Captain. I just made some tea, would you like some?" She offers.

"Uhm, no thank-you. I've just come to check on Selena, then I'm going to have a report to write." He rubs his temples. "How is she doing?"

"Fine, actually. She's just taking a bath, you know, to relax. She's got a few big blue bruises. Other then that, she's fine." The dwarven girl informs.

_Blue...that damn color._

"I see." Cullen states kind of blankly and stares of into nothing.

Dagna rests a hand on his forearm. "She's fine. Honest."

He looks down at her little hand then to her face. "Alright, I better get going. Thank-you my lady."

"Anytime."

The Captain parts and Dagna locks the door behind him. Going past the archway to the bedroom, she climbs up onto Amell's bed and dangles her legs over the edge.

"Something happened...between the two of you. Right?" Dagna stares at her friend who's submerged in water all the way up to her chin.

"I was going to tell you...but then we started training, there wasn't exactly any private time..."

"So something did happen!" Dagna smiles and pats her knees. Crossing her legs, she leans against her elbows. "Now you gotta tell me. My little heart can't bear the excitement."

"Dagna, really. It's not like that." Selena pulls up a wash cloth and rings out the water. "It's not like we're in a relationship or in love."

"But that guy cares for you. A lot. And he's so adorable. Not too mention, really easy on the eyes. And wow, can you say impressive, the man's a machine." Dagna edges on.

"You have no idea..." Selena covers her face with the warm cloth.

Gasping, Dagna's eyes widen. "What was that?"

Realizing her mistake, the mage sighs and lowers herself further into the water. "What? Nothing...I just meant that I've seen him fight before."

"No. That's not it at all, you said that with mischief in your tone..." Dagna looks up to the ceiling, pondering. "Oh Andraste, you didn't!" She exclaims, a little too thrilled. "You slept with him, didn't you? When?"

Letting out a little groan of disbelief, Amell tries to shrug her off. "I haven't the slightest idea what you are referring to."

"You so did! Look at you being all dodgy." Dagna claps her hands together.

"I am not being dodgy. I just think you're..."

"Oh quit it Amell. It's alright. I won't saying anything. But you have to tell me this, when and why the change of heart?" Dagna pulls up a pillow, like a small child waiting for a bed time story.

"There was no change of heart. It was convenience. We were both vulnerable, and needy." Selena sighs heavily and dunks her cloth back into the warm water.

"He loves you." The little dwarf states.

"I know." The mage rings out the cloth and places it back over her face. "He knows I don't feel that way for him. I care for him a great deal, just not like that..."

"You think."

"Yeah..." Clearing her throat the mage continues. "He told me he understands that I'm kind of getting over someone else. It was my choice, and he was ok with it. So we decided to just...well just the one time. Hopefully, now it's out of his system, he can just move on or something."

Dagna shifts on the sheets of the bed. "What about you?"

"I...I just needed to feel something, I guess. I was tired of feeling like I need to be punished. It was nice. Nice to feel needed and loved. Even just for a little bit."

The dwarf considers this, then begins to smirk. "So how long's a little bit? He is a virgin, but yummm all that templar training. He must have stamina, discipline and maybe even a nice..." Dagna can't finish she's ambushed by a wet clothe to the face. "Oh very mature Amell, very mature."

Both girls begin giggling.

* * *

><p>A few day later at the Royal Palace in Denerim.<em><br>_

_Your Highness,_

_Ha look at this, 'Your Highness', guess I won't be calling you Royal Bastard anymore, or maybe I will. Can you arrest me if I do?_

_Anyways, I hope all is well. As you know, I've made my way back home, to the Tower. Thanks to you, things here are much more civilized and free. I'm happy to know that you are sending many Templar Recruits and mages my way. I look forward to meeting each and everyone of them. I'm sure everyone will be more at ease with the way the tower is now functioning. It's my hope that you someday make your way here to see the difference you've made._

_Now for the hard part. I'm sorry. I hope you can find a way to forgive me and my actions. I know it's not enough and that you've already heard my apology. I will say it again in person when I see you next, I will keep saying it as long as I have to. I truly am sorry for what I've put you through. _

_It is my regret that I didn't allow you to choose your own path. It's only recently that I realized that I was being selfish and trying to protect you the one way I thought possible. Only now do I realize that by protecting you, I've probably put you in more harm. _

_Not to mention the added stress of running a country._

_However, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think you capable of doing such a thing. You are one of the most carrying and understanding people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I know that if there are decisions to be made, you will place the interest of the people first. You above all understand war and the threat of darkspawn. I am confident that your rule will be long and beneficial to the people of Ferelden._

_There will always be a special place in my heart for you, but as a mage, my place regrettably is not at your side. I just need to know that you are happy, and well. I have to let you go, and you need to do the same with me. _

_Grey Warden Commander,_

_S. Amell_

_P.S If it's alright with your Royal Highness, I plan on visiting with in the next few months._

Alistair deposits the parchment onto his desk and lets out a shaky breath. He knows she only did what she thought was right. She was acting like a grey warden, protecting the people the best way she knew how. Even if that meant putting someone she loved on the thrown, only to never be with them again.

She had sacrificed more then anyone he has ever known, all for the good of people who hated and feared her.

"I still love you." He whispers. "And Maker, you're always right." He snorts, running his hands through his hair. "Uhhh, alright Amell...alright." He comments, as if she's there. "I'll try to move on, you do the same my love. Please do the same."

The door to his office opens and Teagan steps in. "Alistair, you've been up here for hours..."

"I know. I know." Clearing the groan from his throat, Alistair glances out the window beside him, staring down at the trees. "Can you arrange a meeting between me and Miss Cousland?"

Shocked, Teagan begins to stutter. "Of...of course my Lord. But why the sudden change of heart?"

Smiling tiredly, the king looks to his Uncle. "No change. Just moving on, is all."

* * *

><p>The wooden door to Selena Amell's quarters burst open. Dagna stands in the doorway holding some letters looking out of breath.<p>

"Amell! They replied!" The young woman explains. "For your green house..."

"Really? So soon. That's amazing." The mage rushes over to her friend and they open the letter together.

_Grey Warden,_

_Not only will we take on this project, but we will make sure that it's fit for royalty. You were gracious enough to send an advancement along with your request, which we greatly appreciate, in return we will commence as early as next month._

_We are currently stocking up on the best supplies and dwarf power available. The tower's green house will be the envy of all towers. _

_King Harrowmont_

"We did it..." Amell whispers.

"Do you have enough coin to pay for all this? I mean I saw the order you sent to Denerim for you mage _stuff_..." Dagna lifts a weary brow in the mages direction.

"Ha! Of course. Trust me on this. After all this is done, I will still have quite a bit left over." Selena offers her friend a quick wink. "Thanks for running this all the way up here. It's the best news I've received all week."

"Hey that's what I'm here for, to spread joy and ...who am I kidding, I'm here to study you guys, that was just a perk." Dagna pulls at the corner of her dress taking out most of the wrinkles in her clothing, then adjusts her hair. "Alright, there. Now I shouldn't look like I just ran a marathon."

Dagna rolls her head from side to side then claps her hands together. "Now back to the library, there's a few more things I want to arrange before all those mages arrive."

"That's right. Just a few more days." Selena doesn't know if she's anxious or nervous. So many new faces, so many new challenges. Is she really up for it? "Well guess I better get busy too. Wynne said she got word that she's being made Senior Enchantress. So that means I will be made an Enchantress...phew..."

"No pressure Amell." Dagna laughs as she heads to the library.

"Right...no pressure." The mage begins rereading her notes on plant biology.

* * *

><p>"Come in." The warden hears a knock at her door but has her hands full of new books. "My hands are full, just come in."<p>

The Knight Captain pokes his head in and starts opening the door. "Uhm, good evening Amell."

"Oh Knight Captain. Hello. Please make yourself at home." She gestures to the chairs with her chin while trying to balance all her books.

Shaking his head in disbelief, he closes the door and makes his way over to help her. "Here I'll hold those and you can sort them." Gently he takes the ancient books from her tiny arms and stands stone still.

"Thank-you Cullen." Cheeks turning pink, she tries not to look at his face. "What brings you here?"

"I was suppose to stop by a few days ago...you know...to try that new tonic." He tries to look at her over the stack of books in his arms. "But...well, I've been occupied trying to make sure everything is ready..."

"Ahh...for the new arrivals. I see." Selena stands on her tip toes making sure that the books of poisonous plants and potions are well hidden and up very high. "So how have you been sleeping?" She asks without turning to see his expression.

"Honestly?" He coughs.

"Mmm Hmm." The mage studies the cover of a red book with a lifted brow. "You haven't been sleeping at all. Have you?"

Cullen lowers his head. "No." He rotates his shoulders and steadies himself. "I've been trying. You know. An hour here, half hour there."

Concerned, Selena takes the books from his hands and places them safely on her study. Her warm hands frame the Knights face and forces him to look at her. "Oh Cullen, look at you." Studying his face, she notices the dark circles under his eyes are back, and his face is a bit pale and drained. His posture isn't as solid as it usually is and his shoulders are a bit slumped.

Fingers make their way to the back of his neck and begin to make small circles. Letting his chin lean forward to rest on his breast plate, he lets out a low groan.

"You've been getting migraines again, haven't you?" She leans her head to the side, concentrating on examining her patient. "I can feel the swollen muscles here. You need to get some rest so that your body can heal itself."

After checking his neck, she tilts his head back up and gets him to open his eyes. Blood shot and tired. She exhales heavily, disappointed that he's not taking very good care of himself.

The mage leads the templar over to her sofa and forces him to sit. "Stay here, relax I will go make that tonic for you. By Andraste, you better sleep tonight." She begins to make her way back to her plants, but Cullen catches her wrist. "Knight Captain..."

"Selena, please don't call me that when we're alone." Gradually, he gets her to inch her way towards him. Leaning the side of his face against her abdomen, he wraps his arms around her waist.

"Capt...Cullen. You're exhausted. You need to get some rest. Let me get these ingredients ready for you. Alright?" Fingers lazily drag through his short hair.

"Mmm? Just a few minutes." His arms squeeze a little tighter.

Continuing to run her fingers through the Templars hair, she sighs. _What is she to do with this man?_ Cautiously, she comes to a sitting position on his lap. "We agreed not to do any of this anymore." She places a thumb lightly on his chin and turns his face.

"I know." His shoulders slump further. "I don't know what to do. To be honest, I'm too tired to think of anything..." His eyes look heavy and puffy.

The warden turns away and stares at the floor, knowing if she continues to study his features, they'll give in to each other. "Look, I really should..."

The Knight Captain pulls her close and presses his lips against hers. Gauntlets wrap around her tiny frame. Selena's hands cup the sides of his face. Soon both become breathless.

After a few minutes of arguing within herself, Selena votes against better judgement and straddles the man beneath her. Pushing him to lean up against the back of the couch. His gauntlets begin pushing her robes north.

"Selena...the door... it isn't..." He breathes out.

"Locked...I know..." With that she gives her hound a quick glance, who then makes way for the door. With a push of his snout, he places the bolt in the slot and then heads for her bedroom, giving the couple some privacy.

"Smart hound." Cullen smiles.

A few minutes later and Amell has the bottom portion of her Knights armor moved aside so that she can access him. Taking her time, with her hands firmly against his shoulders and her naked thighs against his sides, she lowers herself onto him.

The templar hisses in pleasure. Licking her lips and flicking her hair to the side, she begins working her hips and kissing his throat. Cullen tilts his head back, gasping for air. Gauntlets now discarded, he grips her tiny waist, helping her keep a steady rhythm.

The wood of the sofa creeks lightly as the mage moves above her Knight. Green eyes focused on brown ones, both flushed pink in the face, panting as her movements become more rapid.

"Selena. You're gonna have to stop..." Cullen puffs out.

"Why? Worried?" She licks his throat up to his chin and he moans.

"Of course."

"You...weren't a few days ago." She continues her movements.

"I know." He can feel that pressure building. Mouth hanging agape, he begins breathing more rapid. He tries to move forward. "Selena..."

"It's alright." She shushes him and pushes him back against the frame of the sofa. "Wardens...are different."

He nods and lets her continue. Her thighs begin to tighten around him and her skin begins to heat up and sweat. "Cullen..."

Trying to figure out a way to remain as quiet as possible, the templar pulls Amell towards him and buries his tongue into her mouth. Moaning into his kiss, the mage thrusts become harder. His arms wrap around her torso and he begins to stiffen.

"Maker..." He whispers against her lips as she thrusts faster.

Using one hand against the frame of the couch for leverage, Selena leans forward allowing a deeper penetration. Arching below her, Cullen releases himself into her, groaning wildly into her skin. As his skin twitches and hums, Amell's walls clamp around him and she tosses her head back, exhaling his name.

Cullen kisses the skin just between her breasts, still shaking from their workout. Licking his lips, he can taste the salt from her skin.

Selena's hands cup the captains face gently. "There, that should help you sleep." Lips meet for a sweet carrying kiss.

"Agreed. However, I should still leave with that tonic." He winks.

"In case of questions." Amell agrees. "Two minutes." She adjusts her robes, and allows hims to reattach his armor while she fixes his mixture.

"Here you are Knight...I mean Cullen. Same directions as last time." She watches as he lines up his breast plate.

Smiling lovingly, he takes the tincture. "Thank-you Selena." Her hand lingers on his for a moment and she studies his warm chest nut eyes and laugh lines.

She _knows_.

"What?" His features begin to drop. "What's wrong?"

Shaking off her stare, she places a soft kiss on his lips. "Nothing." She replies softly and kisses him again. "Sleep well."

"I will." He places a gentle kiss on her forehead. Leaving her room he glances over his shoulder. "Goodnight My lady."

"Goodnight, Knight Captain."

He closes the door.


	7. Chapter 7 : Arrivals and Departures

**A/N : I won't be able to write for a while, so I figured I would post a long chapter. This one is interesting to say the least. I appreciate the reviews I've been receiving, you're all very sweet. :) Hope you all enjoy this next chapter.  
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**Disclaimer : All authors cry here, I swear.  
><strong>

**Chapter 7**

The sky is grey and threatening with rain clouds. Thunder booms over head and heat lightning flashes in the clouds. The Knight Captain glances up to catch a quick view of the light show in the sky. Standing on the dock, his hands behind his back, he inhales deeply as he watches the wooden boat slowly make its way towards the island. He can make out the distinct figure of the Knight Commander standing firmly with his arms crossed at the front of the little craft.

"Guess we should of commissioned a larger boat." He snickers to himself. Absently, he stares between the boards under his feet, looking at the water splashing below him.

The little boat creeks up beside the dock, and a young man tosses some rope around the posts to secure it in place. Cullen remains passively while the Knight commander, a few Templars and a handful of mages make their way towards him.

"Good day Knight Captain." Gregoire faces the younger man half grinning. "I hope all went well while we were away."

"Of course Knight Commander. Nothing I couldn't handle." Cullen salutes his elder.

Gregoire nods and begins to walk towards the front doors. "Good to hear. I knew you were capable." The older man pauses and looks back at the water. "It will take a few trips for the ferryman to bring all the Recruits and Mages across..." Gregoire glances back up at the tower. "So while we wait, why don't you bring me up to speed with everything that's been going on."

* * *

><p>A few hours later, all the mages and Templars are on shore and in the main hall of the tower. The Knights on the left side, chatting it up with their fellow brothers, and the Mages on the right side, also speaking with their fellow brothers and sisters. The mages send curious glances all over the hall, probably wondering how things function here.<p>

Just at the bottom of the massive stair case, Gregoire stands patiently. Cullen and Kailen to his right, Wynne and Selena to his left. With a deep commanding voice, he clears his throat. "You are all people of Kinloch Hold now. Children of the tower."

All eyes from both groups are now on him. Selena smiles admirably at the Knight Commander, she had forgotten how much of a presence he had. The room goes quiet and the people before them wait for instructions.

"The tower has undergone some major changes. Rules and construction. I'm hoping these will be to all of our benefit." The Knight stiffens his shoulders. "The Templars are no longer the ones in charge here." He looks over to his men. "We are here to serve and protect. We still have the same functions as before, but the chantry has no control of the regulations within these walls as of a few months ago." He takes a few steps forward. "To my men. The Elders of this circle are wise and will deal with anything or anyone out of hand. You are to listen to them and respect them, just as would if it were myself commanding you."

Cullen glances over to his commanding officer and he can see that his body language is telling them something he isn't verbally saying.

"Times are different." The Commander admits barely grinning. "As times change, so do people."

Wynne and Selena share a look and both women shrug, puzzled.

"It's time for new blood to be in charge...during these times of change..."

"Sir...?" Cullen wants to take a step towards his mentor, but Gregoire raises a hand.

"I've been...offered a seat with the Knights Divine." Gregoire can hear some gasps leave the mouths of his troupes. Looking at them with serious eyes, he clears his throat once again. "I leave within the next week to take up that spot."

"What?" Wynne looks to her side at this man she's known almost all her life.

The Knight Commander glances over his shoulder at the elder mage. "Also, it has been decided that Senior Enchantress Wynne will now be taking the place of First Enchantress..."

"But I've only been a Senior for..." Then elder woman begins, but Selena tugs at her robe and gestures to the crowd with her chin. "I'm honored, I will do my best to serve you all well." She bows her head slightly.

"Now, with that, Grey Warden Commander Selena Amell will now be registered as Senior Enchantress. It is up to her to decide if she wants to remain here or regroup with her fellow Grey Wardens."

"I..." Her eyes dance between the crowd, Wynne, Dagna and then Cullen, who's still looking on over the people before them. "I will remain here."

"Good." Gregoire smiles. "We need all the help we can get." The Knight turns round and makes his way to Cullen. "Knight Captain."

"Sir." _Don't, please don't._ His mind screams.

"You've served the order well. Your devotion and actions have always shone brightest. You've put the needs of others before your own, time and time again." He places a hand on Cullen's shoulder, a rare sign of approval. "I'm happy to present your new Knight Commander."

"I...I'm honored Sir." He salutes.

"Also, Kailen. You are now the new Knight Captain."

"Yes Sir." The young knight also offers a salute.

"Now, since I've been gone so long and things have change a great deal. I will let your Knight Commander instruct you on the ways of the tower. There are somethings I need to take care of before I go, Commander please see me in your office when you are done here."

"Yes Sir." Cullen nods.

"This is the main floor. Newly Recruited Templars, apprentices and children remain on this floor. You are only to venture to the upper flowers during the day, or during class hours." He looks over the eager people. "Apprentices and New Recruits have a curfew to follow. Anyone caught out after hours will have to deal with the First Enchantress."

Steadying his stance, he straightens his back. "Knight Templars and Mages your quarters are in the eastern half of the second floor. Senior Mages, Enchanters and Higher ranking Officers, your quarters are on the Werstern and Northern part of the floor. The southern part is the Library. Class rooms and the storage room have been moved to the third floor."

"Now I will leave First Enchantress to discuss the rest of the details." He nods to the elder mage and then begins to make his way to his office.

"Thank you Knight Commander." Wynne places her hands together before her. "The Harrowing chamber is strictly forbidden. The repair and research room in the library is off limits. Practice and research on blood magic, shape shifting or anything of the sorts is prohibited and will result in imprisonment." She explains, as always with a loving smile. _Kind of creepy_, Selena admits. "Abuse or harassment of any kind is against regulations. If I hear of anything, even a whisper of this, those involved will be dealt with." Her glare falls onto the Templar recruits. "Access to the island is a privilege that can be taken away from anyone at anytime from either myself, the Knight Commander or Senior Enchantress Amell."

She clears her throat and flattens the wrinkles on her robe. "We are also beginning an addition to the tower next month." Bringing her attention to Selena, she smiles warmly. "Amell has graciously donated some coin to have a green house constructed on the east side of the tower."

All the mages gasp with excitement. Not only will this be a place of learning and relaxing. For many of these mages, it will be the first time to take care of something, to have a hobby other then sneaking off into dark corners.

"I understand the excitement in this, but remember..." She waves a warning finger. "...this is also a privilege. If you want to keep these privileges you will follow the rules of this tower. These are daring times. All eyes are on us. We want to prove to the world that we can do this."

With that said all the mages and some of the templars begin applauding her. Smiling, Wynne begins to maker her way up the stairs. Selena, seeing that it's now her turn to address them steps forward.

"You know who I am. You know what I can do. I will teach those who want to learn. Waste my time and your out of my classes." Having their attention, she points to Dagna. "This woman is here to study as well. She has great knowledge. You need help finding something in the library, I suggest asking her. Remember, she's also here as a teacher. Don't let her size fool you, you place one thing out of order in that Library that she's worked so hard on and she'll probably have you cataloging things till the day you die."

"As for the tranquils. We have none here, I find they have a bad representation for what we are trying to accomplish here. The storage room, the repair room are all enchanted. You need either myself or Wynne to gather anything from there." Clapping her hands together and rubbing them quickly, Selena smirks. "Alright, now if you can just give Dagna your name and your papers, she can instruct you on where to go. I welcome you all home!"

Her hound at her heals, Selena heads for her quarters smiling. "Maybe this won't be so bad." Marsh _woofs_ in agreement.

* * *

><p>Sitting at his desk in his new quarters, Cullen sifts through his copies of all the paper work for each new comer. "Fifty six Templars...and..." He counts lightly under his breath. "Seventy eight...woops...Seventy nine mages."<p>

Cullen looks up at his door, someone is entering without even knocking. "Can I help you?"

Selena closes the door, bolts it shut and turns to look at him. "Nice new place here, Knight Commander." He winces with the sound of her referring to him as the Knight Commander. Her green eyes look over all the details in this new room. "Much bigger then your last..." Taking a seat in front of his desk, she places her crossed arms on the wooden surface. "So...having fun going through all that? I read mine hours ago."

Grimacing, he makes two neatly stacked piles of parchments, and pushes them aside. "I just recently sat down to read them. I've been so busy. Gregoire said he was leaving in a weeks time, but he got in here, told me how things work now..." Cullen sighs and massages his temples with his bare hands. Selena only notices now that he's not in Templar uniform.

"Then took his belongings and left." He lifts his brows up and down as he continues the little circles at the side of his head.

"He left?" Selena asks, shocked. "Without a word to anyone but yourself?"

"Yup..." He lowers his head and rest his arms out on the desk. "Took two templars with him and left. Said he would rather be on his way now instead of lingering around. I tried to convince him to stay a while, but he insisted."

"I see." The mage leaves her chair and stands behind the Commander. Folding her hands over his shoulders, she begins massaging the tension away.

Shuddering in relief, Cullen tilts his head from one side back to the other. "Out of the Seventy nine mages, only five of them are Senior Enchanters...oh and plus yourself of course..."

"Of course..." Amell continues to help soothe the knots in his neck and shoulders. "Why are you always so sore?" She asks genuinely.

"Hmm? Oh, the armor."

"Ah, right. Makes sense." Her thumbs make dragging lines around the base of his skull. "This alright?"

"Mmhm." The Knight Commander knits his fingers together and stretches his arms, yawning. "So there's Senior Enchantress Lazula, she's a potion and primal mage. At least you have some help in those departments there." He flips through another parchment. "Lets see, Veronica, she's a spirit and elemental mage."Hmph..."

"What?" Selena pushes a little harder into his muscles.

"Lenn, the elven mage, he's a Spirit healer and Creation mage. Kind of like Wynne." He notices.

"Yeah how bout that..." The mage shrugs off. "So what about the other two?"

"Uhmm...Delna, elven, she's just a basic mage, but advanced in different areas, seems to specialize in Elemental. And...Lucious, he seems to also favor Elemental, primal and Arcane." Cullen stifles a yawn. "Nice bunch here, it just would have been nice to have more then this...you know, for classes."

"Yeah...So no mages? Everyone else..."Amell peaks over Cullen's shoulder looking at the paper work.

"Apprentices." He leans his head forward, tired. "I'm so exhausted."

"I know." Not thinking, she places a soft kiss on the side of his neck, like it was an every day act.

"Amell..." He warns.

"Sorry. I...I wasn't thinking." Her hands stop moving but don't leave his shoulders. "Sorry."

"Don't be." A large hand reaches over to rest on hers. His thumb gently caresses her own. "If everything was different, this...we could..." He breathes heavily. "For now, the rules for us, are still the same."

"I'm starting not to care anymore." Amell places a kiss just behind his ear and his flesh is immediately covered in goose bumps. "It's late, real late, no one will bother us..." She purrs as she trails more kisses down his neck. Hands snake down and begin lifting the edges of his shirt, Cullen allows the sneaky mage to remove it. She studies the scars on his back, tracing light fingers over pink and flesh toned raised skin. The templar shifts uneasy.

"Old wounds, don't worry about it." Stretching his back, he stands. Selena watches as the muscles of his arms and shoulders flex. "I'm sorry, I'm not a very good host. Not use to people visiting me...late at night." Again he yawns. "And when I'm half undressed." Suddenly aware of his state, he becomes shy, looking away from the mage before him.

"Come on, you can't tell me that you're embarrassed." She scoffs.

Face reddening, he rubs at his neck awkwardly. "Hey, that's not fair. I'm...I'm not exactly use to this. Having someone, specially a woman stare at me...while I'm...well exposed." He rubs at his right arm. "And well...when we...we weren't exactly...well naked."

"I know." She giggles. "I'm only teasing." Again, she's lost in his deep dark eyes and wraps her arms around his neck. _You know!_ She can hear her inner self screaming at her. Closing her eyes she kisses him gently and then pulls back. His big warm arms surrounding her frame. She pulls back slowly and then in one swift movement drops her robes.

Cullen's eyes grow big. "What are you doing?" He looks back at the door and she laughs lightly.

"I locked it when I came in silly." Grabbing his hands, she pulls him closer. His eyes are everywhere, but at the same time he's trying not to look at her, feeling ashamed. Deciding he looks scared, she leans up against the wall and tugs him towards her frame. "Breathe Cullen."

Closing his eyes, he takes in a shaky breath and then exhales. "There, that's better isn't it?" She finger combs his hair. Eyes still closed, he quickly nods, still nervous.

"I..." He sighs and puffs out more air. "It's been a long day."

"I know." Her hands frame his face. "Look at me."

Slowly his eyes open and meet her beautiful green orbs. His features soften, his body relaxes.

Staring into his eyes, her thumbs rubbing his cheek bones, she smiles warmly. "I love you, Cullen."

Brown eyes grow bigger with shock and excitement. "You... What?"

She giggles. "I love you."

"I...I love you too." He kisses her, hard, pushing the back of her skull up against the stone wall. This time it's the Knight Commander that undoes his own pants, with shaky hands.

Wrapping her legs around his waist, he plunges into her. Amell sucks and bites at the skin off his shoulders, for some reason, everything feels tighter then before. Cullen grabs at her thigh with one hand and steadies their frames against the wall with the other. His movements are fast and hard. Why doesn't she remember him being this big before? "I'm sorry, but this time will be quick." He pants, drained, all endurance gone out the window.

Amell can't answer, for some reason she's already at her limit, she can feel her walls tightening around him. Her nails go deeper into his shoulders blades, and her head becomes fuzzy. "Cullen..."

Burying his face in her neck, he grunts out his last thrust. He can feel the blood slowly running down his back. "We need to trim your claws." He breathes into her ears, half smiling.

Dazed, Amell begins kissing his collar bone. "Again..."

"What?" Cullen asks looking at her a bit tortured. "Now?"

"Yes...please."

Knees shaking, his back relaxes. "You're beautiful, and I love you...but I don't think I can..."

"You don't have to." She eases him to his desk and gets him to lie back. Straddling her templar yet again, she sets straight to work. Her sweat dripping off her forehead and chin, landing on his chest. His fingers dig into her hips and he tilts his head back. Once more, her nails are digging into his skin, this time his chest. She stares at the expressions on his face as the blood rises and makes the color there change.

Grabbing one of his hands, she doesn't know why but she begins sucking at his fingers earning her a moan from his chest. His fingers at her hip begin to bruise her skin. Papers fall off his desk and the wood makes noises at it shifts with their weight. She places his hand on her breast and shows his fingers how to massage her as she continues working.

Her climax beginning to form, she can see the eyes of her lover roll behind his lids. Both hands now on her thighs, his back begins to arch. "I love you."

"Maker. I love you too, Cullen." Feeling her heat build up, Selena leans forward gasping and twisting her body. The man below her bucks his hips. "Mmmm, this was nice."

"Accept that this desk is killing my back. But yes...it was." The Commander pushes a lock of hair behind the wardens ear. "I have a question."

"Ask away." Amell kisses his chest.

"Aren't you worried...well...you know." Cullen can still feel the after affects of his skin twitching. "I know I'm a templar...but I still know how little ones are made."

"You don't have to worry about that Love." She smiles reassuringly. "Wardens...well they can't really have children. It's a sacrifice we make. I will tell you about it another day. Alright?"

Continuing to drag his fingers through her hair, he nods agreeing. "Alright. But can we please move, this really isn't that comfortable."

While the mage gets dressed, Cullen picks up and resorts all the papers on the floor. Again, he stacks all the parchments in two neat piles. Selena makes her way to him and cast a healing spell over his wounds. "Sorry about that." She grins as she dabs at the blood with a wet cloth.

Pulling her into his arms, he kisses the top of her head."You should return to your room." He sighs. "I love you."

"I love you too." Giving his frame one last squeeze, she then leaves watching him watch her walk away.

Selena makes her way quietly to her room. Passing through her bedroom archway, she's surprised to find Dagna waiting for her there. "You're so bad." She says all giddy. "You guys did it again, didn't you?" She begins chewing at the hair in her braid.

"Well, we kind of did...well a few days ago as well." Amell's cheeks flush pink.

Bouncing to her knees, Dagna chants warmly. "See I told you. A Machine!"

"Ugh..." Amell doesn't care that her friend is there, she strips and begins putting on her nightgown.

"Bruises?" Dagna gasps. "Bruises...oh my. Aren't you two just the rough little dirty animals."

"Dagna, were you here a while ago?" Selena asks innocently.

"Yes, I've been waiting for you for about an hour. So I caught up on some reading and Marsh sat at my feet." The dwarven girl shrugs. "Hope that's fine."

The mage smiles. "Of course sweety. Anytime. Were you using the sofa?"

"Yeah it's my favorite spot, right by the window and all." Dagna raises her brow, sensing mischief in the air.

"Oh, well then. Me and Cullen had passionate wild animal sex there." Selena bolts out and then begins laughing.

"Eww...that's gross. Not funny Amell...not funny."

The Enchantress climbs into her bed and crawls under the covers. The dwarven girl chews at her bottom lip, thinking over the situation. "Lemme get this straight. You made love outside, in plain sight. Did it in your living area. And just now you came back from rough fun in his quarters? And you don't see a pattern here?"

"I love him." Selena admits, her eyes still closed. "I told him, that I love him."

"Ah...I see. What about..." Dagna doesn't know if she's pushing her position as a friend with her words.

"Alistair?" The mage sits. "It was never possible. Wynne told me just so, but I didn't listen."

"So what makes you think it's different with The Knight Commander." Dagna is confused with her friends choices.

"I don't. But I'm tired of everything being taken away from me, just because of what I am." Confused herself, the warden twists her fingers together and plays with the blanket. "Does that make sense?"

Nodding Dagna agrees. "Yes. It makes perfect sense. Hey you never know." The dwarf places herself beside her friend and begins braiding her long dark hair. "Maybe this is happening for a reason. Maybe you guys can change the out look on stuff like this."

"Love conquers all type of thing?" Amell snickers.

"Hmmm...Maybe. Why not?" Dagna continues fussing with the other woman's hair.

* * *

><p><em>Grey Warden Commander Senior Enchantress Selena Amell,<em>

_ Maker. Try to say that five times fast. Why is it every time I hear of you, you gain a new title? Anyways, I want you to know that I have taken your advice and have begun courting someone. No I'm not telling you who, just yet, well not now anyway. I don't need you telling her nasty bits about me._

_ I want you to know that, that decision of all the ones that I have made and that I'm going to have to make was by far the hardest one to do. Letting you go isn't an easy request, but alas yet again you're right. _

_ To answer your questions. I am well. I'm not bounding for joy, but I'm alright. And for the last time, I forgive you. You owe me. But I forgive you. I will always love you, Amell. That I cannot change. So please, if anything, forgive me for that, and allow me that one thing. Alright._

_ I'm writing this to inform you that by the time you get this, I will be arriving for a visit, with in two weeks time, it's not easy traveling with an army's worth of men at my disposal. And don't worry, I will just be checking in for official warden business and to view the tower. You speak so highly of it, I want to see all the changes._

_ I have a favor to ask of you, once I see you in person. I've sent a Grey Warden from Orlais to Govern Amaranthine. He's run into a lot of darkspawn there, but he's very capable and has rectified the situation. Rectified...look at me using all these big words. Anyways, I've given him the temporary title as Ban of Amaranthine. It is yours if you wish it, all you have to do is tell me you want it._

_ Well I look forward to seeing you soon. At your command as always,_

_Alistair_

Selena folds the paper neatly and hands it to Cullen who is sitting in her room. "Read it." She gestures for him to take it. "Look, I've told you everything about the Grey Wardens and my travels. You know that he and I ...were..." Clearing her throat, she thrusts the letter forward again and he takes if from her, going over every word carefully.

After reading the entire thing, he shrugs his shoulders. "And?"

"I have a feeling that he's sending me somewhere. I want you to come with me." She stands and looks out her window absently.

"What? Me? I can't leave the tower..." The Commander folds the paper and places it on the table.

"Leave Kailen in charge. I'll get Lazula to run my classes. Those two seem to get along fine. Please, Cullen. I need you to come with me." She basically begs, her bright eyes shimmering.

"Ugh...I guess I can leave instruction..." The Commander runs a worried hand over his face. "If anything happens here while we're gone." He points an angry finger at her.

Selena just smiles and places kisses on his lips. "Thank-you my love." She kisses him again. "You won't regret this." Her eyes are glowing with joy.

The templar grabs hold of her tiny hands. "Amell, why is it you need me to go with you? Not that I mind...it's just...you seem a little different the past few weeks." Cullen looks up into her eyes. "What's wrong?"

She rolls her eyes and kneels before him, placing her hands in his on his lap. "A few things actually." Biting at her lower lip, she thinks of the words to tell him. It's been five months that she's been here. Three months ago, all the new mages and templars had arrived. Everything had been going relatively great. She now had a routine everyday, people whom she enjoyed being around and teaching...how she loved it.

"Alright, promise no matter what I say, you won't get mad or throw anything." The mage pleads. "Promise."

"Alright." Cullen raises a worried brow. "I promise. You have my word as a Knight."

"Well, remember how I said I choose to stay here?" She asks and The Commander nods. "That's not entirely up to me. If the Wardens decide to post me somewhere else, I kind of have to go."

Amell can see the bit of red rising up Cullens throat. "Alright." He says. "But you can choose to not go, right?" He holds his breath waiting for her answer.

"In a way, yes."

"Ok. Fine." He exhales the breath he was holding. "See, no mad man throwing stuff."

"That wasn't all of it." The mage's eyes study her fingers that are intertwined with his. He can see a tear fall down the side of her face.

"Hey...hey...what's wrong?" He lifts her chin with his hand, but she doesn't look at him. "You've got nothing to worry about, I made a promise..."

"I'm pregnant." Her eyes close firmly.

Shocked, Cullen shakes his head and realizes that his jaw is hanging open. "You're...with child?"

"Yes." She places her forehead on his knees and begins to shake.

"I thought...you couldn't." The Knight swallows hard, then another thought comes to mind._ If the child is the Kings, then it has a better chance at being saved from the Chantry. If not..._

"It's hard for a warden to have children. Not impossible. It's even harder when it's two wardens...but not impossible."

Feeling the color leave his face, he forces her to look up at him. His face firm, eyes focused, he barely speaks. "The child...is...is it his?" His eyes glance over to the Royal Letter.

Selena shakes her head. "No." Her head lowers. "No. You're the father, Cullen. I'm so sorry."

Somehow he feels scared and thrilled all at once. Kind of happy that the child is not Alistair's, but kind of scared at the thought that someone might try to take their baby away from them. Pulling her up onto his lap, he rubs circles on her back. "I love you. We'll think of something." He hushes her. "Don't worry, love. No one is taking either of you away from me."

Wiping away the tears from her eyes, she nuzzles her face into his neck. "That's why I want you to come with me. If something happens, I know you'll protect your child. And I don't know how long we would be gone. Could be a few days, could be a few months..."

Protectively, he wraps his arms around his lover. "Do you have any names picked out? And how far along are you?"

"Three months, now. I think. Maybe less, maybe more." She sighs. "For a boy, Chance. For a girl, Charity." She all but whimpers.

"I see." He mulls over the names in his mind. "Those are perfect names." Then he smiles. "Father."

"Yes, Cullen." Amell squeezes his neck lovingly. "You'll be a wonderful father."

"I never thought I would have little ones." He pushes her hair away from her face. "I don't know how to handle or raise a child." Knowing she has experience from being in the tower, he concludes that they should be fine. "Will you teach me?"

"Of course." Feeling more at ease and relaxed with the weight of that off of her chest she slumps further into his lap. "What are we to do?"

The Knight Commander stares off into the distance. "I'm going to get us out of here if need be. Until then, lets see if there's a way for us to change some minds about Templar and Mage unions."


	8. Chapter 8 : Thick and Thin

**A/N : ****This chapter is dark. You are warned.****  
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**Disclaimer : ****I own only my ideas...**

**Chapter 8**

The little dwarven woman, Dagna, places newly arrived robes and sacks on her friends bed. "I think that's everything." She pulls out her list from the side pocket of her robe. "Your new robes." Glancing over all the new clothing on the bed and counting under her breath she nods. "All here." With a quill she scratches the items off her list one by one. "Let me see...ah...here's the new ruins for your staff." She places the odd colored stones aside. "Very nice, here's the books and ingredients you requested. Oh and here's the new cloaks."

Opening the last satchel, she finds something that's not on her list. A set of dwarf clothing and a rather large log book, new quill and ink and a very ancient looking book. "Amell? What's this..." She looks over her list, turns it in her hands and still can't find anything.

The mage approaches the items and hands them to Dagna. "It's a gift." Her eyes twinkle as she smiles brightly. "A token of my appreciation, for all that you do for the tower, and for me as a friend."

Stunned, the young woman drags her fingers over her presents. "A gift? For me?" Her eyes water. "I've never received a gift from anyone other then my father..."

Opening the old book, she finds lists, texts and detailed descriptions on ancient Tevinter Artifacts. The robes, she notices, are official mage apprentice robes, tailored just for her size. "I don't know how to thank-you." Her free hand grasps at her new items. "Everything is so lovely...so unexpected..."

"I'm just glad you like them." Amell grips at her friends shoulders. "I don't know what I would do without you Dagna. You're my best friend, the only person I know that would never judge me. You're friendship is by far the greatest gift you could have given me." Selena hugs her friend, who is still holding on to her new items.

The two separate and Dagna changes into her new clothing. "Perfect fit." Making her way to the mirror, she adjusts the belt at her waist and adds her tiny satchel over her shoulder. "Wow." She looks her reflection over. "I really look like a Tower Scholar now!" She turns, looking to her friend for approval. "So, what do you think?" The bright blues and yellows do wonders to add to the brightness in the dwarven girls eyes.

"You look stunning." A male voice adds. Both women turn to see The Knight Commander entering the room.

"Cullen, we didn't hear you enter." Dagna notes.

"I'm sorry, I knocked but there was no answer. So I let myself in, I hope I wasn't intruding." Cullen suddenly realizes that maybe he shouldn't make a habit of letting himself in to his secret lover's quarters.

"Not at all Sir." Dagna charms.

"I'd heard that Amell's package had arrived...I wanted to make sure you liked your gift." The Knight leans against the doorway, trying to be as casual as possible, but failing.

"You knew as well?" The dwarf places her hands on her hips. "You two sure are sneaky." She has to admit, it's hard getting anything past her without her knowing, so these two together were pretty impressing.

"Of course. We wanted you to have a token of appreciation." Cullen quickly shares a look with Amell.

"Aww guys. You're too sweet. Really, you're making me crave milk." Dagna makes her way towards the Commander and takes his hands into hers. Glancing over her shoulder quickly at the mage, her attention falls back onto the Templar. "I want you to know that your secret is safe with me. We'll figure out something. Between the three of us, I'm sure we can think of something." She offers both her friends a big smile and begins packing her things into her bag. "Well I got to go. This new log isn't going to fill itself you know." Waving good bye to her friends she makes her way for the library, closing the door behind her.

"She's a good friend." Cullen stares at the door that had just been shut.

"That she is..." The mage agrees. "And with the biggest heart."

* * *

><p>"Now, a mortar and pestle are the most important tools to a mage who seeks to master potions." Selena points out her white and grey marble mortar and pestle set. "Over here on my desk is a list of available materials to have a set crafted from. If you past your exams this semester, you will have the privilege of having a set commissioned for yourself. As an added bonus, you will also get to pick the materials you would like your personal set to be crafted from." The warden moves to sit behind her massive oak desk.<p>

"However, if you fail, you will retake the exam and be presented with a common black granite set." Amell drags her index finger along the spine of her book. "Learning about plants, the earth and nature in general, isn't an easy task. This class isn't for those who wish to outwit opponents with bronze and attack spells." Leaning back in her chair, she looks over her students, as a potions class, this is considered advanced knowledge. All of her students are well into their teen years, already aware of what type of mage they wish to be.

Knitting her fingers together, she sends them a warning glance. "This class will teach you all there is to know of potion making and plants. The good and the bad uses of all of the earthly gifts around you. There are many responsibilities that will fall on you as potion and primal mages...I must warn, I am teaching you all of this in hopes that you will use this knowledge to help those in need, not butcher and abandon those too weak to understand it." Taking in a deep breath she studies their expressions, watching for anyone who seems too confident or too anxious. "This class won't be easy. I will not be easily impressed and I will make sure that you all strive to constantly thirst for knowledge. I that understood?"

"Yes Mistress!" Her class seems incredibly excited, but well mannered all at once, how pleasing.

"Good. Let us begin."

* * *

><p>Classes are done for the day and everyone is in the dinning hall. The Knight Commander watches with trained eyes, to his surprise Amell isn't at her usual spot with Wynne and Dagna. Not thinking anything of it he heads for his office. Just as he's passing through the main hall, The Knight Captain Kailen, comes bolting through the front doors.<p>

"Commander, Sir. The King..." He breathes out heavily. "The King is crossing the Lake as we speak."

Nodding, Cullen takes a moment to mull over the procedures for a Royal visit in his head. "Captain." The Knight Commander looks over to his first in command.

The younger Templar salutes him. "Yes Sir." He replies obediently.

"Round some of the men to greet the King at the docks. Have some Knights lined at the doors. I want the guest room set up for our Royal visitor. Also, make sure that the spare quarters are set up for his troops." Cullen places his hands behind his back, still thinking.

"Yes sir!" Kailen begins to make arrangements with two other Templars.

_I have to inform Amell_, he realizes. Turning on his heel, he makes his way up the stairs to Selena's quarters. Patiently he waits after knocking on her door. He hears Marsh come over to the door and sniff at the crack under it. Cullen can hear a low _'woof'_ of approval and the door opens. Selena, looking a little tired, welcomes him in.

"Good evening Knight Commander. Please come in." She gestures with her free hand that he enter.

As soon as the door is closed, Cullen turns round to face her. "The King is here."

"What?" The mages bright eyes widen. "Already?"

"Well it has been nearly two weeks." The Templar points out. "He's crossing the lake now. He should be here any minute. What would you have me do?" He waits for her response.

"I assume you already have someone setting up a room for him?" She sees Cullen nod. "Alright, good. He's very welcome here. I just...well...he doesn't know of us."

"I see..." Cullen already knew this, but hearing her say it, for some reason bothers him. The statement tugs at his heart strings in a way he didn't think it would.

Sensing his discomfort, Selena inches her way closer to him. "Cullen, it's not that I don't want him to know...it's just I couldn't possibly tell him in a letter. What if it were to fall in the wrong hands?"

"I know..." He sighs. "I understand. It's just...never mind...it's not important who knows. Right now, we have other concerns. Besides, I don't think he would be very pleased with that knowledge. I would very much like to avoid pissing off the King."

"Point taken." Selena rushes over to her mirror and stares at her image. "I don't find that I'm...well..."

"No..." Cullen watches her. "You can't notice anything. No one could possibly know. You've always been so tiny. Seems that you still have that luck now." The Knight's eyes fall to her small waist line, still so small. _Odd_. "Well, we better be present downstairs for when he arrives."

The mage takes in a breath, smooths out her green and gold robes and follows Cullen down to the main entrance. "Do I seem nervous?" She asks the Knight Commander.

He looks down at her smirking. "Not at all Senior Enchantress. However, your knuckles are turning a bit white." Cullen answers with sarcasm and glances at her left hand that's holding her staff.

"He's sending me somewhere...I just know it." Her attention is glued to the main doors, anticipating the King's arrival.

"Not without me he ain't." Dagna chimes in. "Wherever you go there's bound to be a good story to add to my collection or wonderful artifacts to catalog. You have no choice but to take me." The small girl winks.

"Wouldn't dream of leaving you behind." Selena grins while placing a warm hand on her friends shoulder.

Just as the mage looks up from her friend and back to the massive wooden doors, they begin to open. She can clearly see the Royal symbols on the chest plates of the first two guards. Cautiously, the two men walk in, eying everyone around them. The King makes his entrance while talking to Kailen. Pausing to shake the Templar Captain's hand, Alistair's eyes begin to search the crowd.

"Amell!" He waves off his body guards and makes his way towards his fellow warden. Offering a weary smile to Dagna, Selena begins to meet him half way.

"Alistair...I mean, your Highness." She begins to bow.

"Stop that. How many times do I have to tell you that...that embarrasses me." He places a hand on her shoulder and grins when she begins to stand. "And Your Highness? Really?" He scoffs."Call me by my name. Please. Anything but that sounds...well icky, coming from you." He explains while tugging her into a tight embrace, which she's inclined to return.

"I've missed you." He whispers.

"It's nice to see you too." She answers and pulls back. By the expression on his face, she can tell he's a bit hurt by that answer. A serious tone takes over and the moment is gone, Alistair is all business again.

"Right. We need to talk." The King readjusts his sword to his side and looks around the hall. "In private, if possible."

"Alright. Follow me please." Selena side glances at the Knight Commander as they pass him. Alistair notices the two sharing a look but says nothing of it.

"Here. This is a room we had prepared for your stay." She sits on a chair near the fire place.

Alistair pays no attention to his surroundings and sits in the chair just opposite of her. The mage's attention rest on the dancing flames. "You're not happy that I'm here." He sputters, his gaze now on the floor.

"What?" She shakes off her thoughts. "Of course I am." Selena places a hand on the top of his golden gauntlet. "It's just..." She sighs and attempts to smile. "I was so cruel to you. It still pains me to think of it. I know you forgive me..." Shifting her position in the chair, she tries not to focus on his eyes, the windows to his heart, that she broke. "So much has happened since then...usually I would talk to you of these things. But...that's no longer the case. I do miss you a great deal."

"Amell..." The King sighs. "I..." He reaches up to her face and pushes her stubborn locks aside. Selena holds his hand in place and leans into it.

"I know." She replies softly. "We were never meant to be."

"Maybe in another life..." He gently pulls his hand away and clears his throat. "Seeing you..." The corner of his mouth curls into a side grin. "Pains me and relieves me all at once." Shaking his head, he stands and begins pacing. "But we have other things to discuss..."

Straightening in her chair, the warden refocuses her attention. "Right. You want to send me somewhere...don't you?"

Alistair places a hand over the fire mantel. "Yes. I knew you were too smart and would figure that out." He looks over his shoulder at her and she can tell that he's drained.

"What do you need of me?" She sympathizes.

The King runs a tired hand through his hair. "The Warden in Amaranthine has things under control there. It's the borders to Ferelden..."

"What do you mean?" Selena inches to the edge of her chair, worried.

"Ferelden's people...my people are still fleeing. To the free marches, Tervinter lands...Maker knows where else..." Alistair watches as the flames in the pit turn from orange to yellow and sometimes he can see a hint of_ blue._ "Darkspawn continue to plague the country sides. Even though the all mighty beasty Archdemon is dead and gone...they continue to attack."

Feeling for her former lover, Amell makes her way to his side. "Alistair..."

"Selena. I need you to go to these borders and get rid of these traveling darkspawn. I need the people here to know that we are doing everything we can to protect them." Shoulders slumped he places his forehead against the back of his hand on the mantel. "I would never want to throw you into danger...you know that...but I have no one else to ask..."

"I know." Placing a hand on his arm, she tries to get the other grey warden to look at her. "I am a grey warden. This is my purpose. You are not throwing me into anything."

"I knew you would say that." He snorts. "Doesn't make me feel better. But I knew you would say it." Alistair looks to her with the same loving eyes he's always had, and she's forced to look away.

"I'll do it...but..." Selena returns to her chair. "I have a few requests."

"Of course. I didn't expect you not to have any." He continues watching the flames.

"Good." She clears her throat. "I want to be able to bring some people from the tower with me."

"Are you going to try the joining on them?" He asks with his back still pointed in her direction.

"I...I'm not sure yet. Also, I will need your assistance when regarding the Chantry, but later on. I can't deal with that issue just yet, but I need to know you'll back me up when I need you to."

Glancing over his shoulder, insulted and a bit shocked, he stares at the little mage in her chair. "You actually think I wouldn't be there for you? No matter what it is...you know I'll help you whatever way I possibly can."

"I know..." She trails off. "It's just...I'm worried and...never mind...not now."

Before she knows it, he's kneeling before her. "Tell me...Selena." He frames her face with his covered hands. "Whatever it is, tell me."

Shaking her head, she brushes him off. "Not now, Alistair. Please. Let's just...business..."

"Alright. Fine." Coming to a stand, he studies her. "I'm going with you...well for a part of it anyways. No questions asked."

"But..." The mage begins.

"I said no questions asked." He looks at her serious. "The people of Ferelden need to know that their king is also doing everything in _his_ power to help them. Not just send some random troops out to deal with all his problems. Also, you'll be pleased to know that three other Ferelden Wardens will be joining us once we arrive in Denerim."

"Really? Wow. Who are they?" She knows they must be fairly new.

Smiling that smile with those bright rows of teeth he turns from her. "I would rather that remain a surprise for later. Anyways, whom would you like to take with you?"

A test, she knows it, but she doesn't care. "Wynne of course, nothing better then two healers in one group." She knew Alistair wouldn't respond to that one, it was a given. "Dagna..." With that request he turns and stares at her questioningly. "She's to catalog and everything we find...that one is not a discussion. She goes."

"Alright..." His brow rises and he shrugs off her attitude.

"I want some warriors that I know and that I have seen in combat." Suddenly, feeling pressured, she feels the need to be stern. "I want to bring the Knight Commander and the Knight Mikael."

Now he's puzzled. _She wants to have two Templars tag along? Not just any Templars either. The Knight Commander and one of his top Knights. Is this woman insane?_

Seeing the look on his face, Selena feels the need to defend her decision. "Look, your talents have proven very useful when facing darkspawn and blood mages. And Maker forbid it, but if me or any other mage in our group ever becomes possessed...we'll need someone to deal with it. That can deal with it."

Not satisfied with her answer he folds his arms in front of his chest. "There's something you're not telling me Amell. I know it."

"Listen, out of all the templars here...these two are the only ones that I know not to be bias. They can follow my commands without question and..."

"Right..." The King snickers. "You think I've forgotten who the Knight Commander is? The man that wanted all the mages dead just to make sure there was no evil abomination running around his precious tower?"

"Alistair...that's not..." She tries to reason.

"Or the fact that that man..." He points to the door, knowing that the Templar is somewhere in this tower. "...was the same man to admit freely that he'd been infatuated with you all these years? Now you want him teaming up with you, unsupervised out in the wilds?"

"Please listen. He had been through a great ordeal. I've known him for a very long time. He's a good man. He will do his duty. You can't condone him for being tortured for Andraste knows how long..." Selena pleads with The King, hoping he'll sense some reason behind her judgement.

"Maybe...maybe not..." Swiftly he turns and faces her, a bit angry that she's keeping him in the dark, again. "There's something you're not telling me. And maybe you have good reason to. But after all you've put me through...after all we've..." His face saddens and he stares at the floor. "I deserve to know what's going on...not because I'm the King..."

"I'm sorry...I can't...not yet." Selena reassures him the best she can. "I promise, as soon as I can, I'll tell you...everything. But for now...I just..."

Alistair raises his hands in surrender. "It's alright. As long as you promise."

"I promise." She smiles, relieved.

"But I'll be watching him." The King warns. "If he or that other one so much as glances at you or Wynne the wrong way...I'll...I'll fucking gut them where they stand with their own blades and force them to eat each others hearts. They depend on lyrium...I don't..."

She's never seen him this enraged. "Wow..."

"I know right?" He chuckles. "Pretty dark...specially for me." His face and tone become serious again. "But I mean it." His eyes are dark as they catch her stare.

"I know." She sighs.

"Well then. What are you waiting for? Pack your stuff. We're leaving after you give me a tour." He rolls his left shoulder, trying to loosen the tension there.

"What?"

* * *

><p>Instructions are left for Lazula to be in charge of all of Selena's and Wynne's classes and duties. Templar Knight Captain Kailen, is to act as commanding officer.<p>

Watching the tower fade behind her for the third time in her life, Selena sighs in discomfort. Knowing that she'll probably be gone for quite a while, means no comfy bed and warm meals. No hot baths and no down time. All that and maybe the fact that the trials ahead might be far greater then she can deal with this time.

"Troubled my child?" Wynne squeezes her hand. "It's my home too. It bothers me more so this time to leave it as well."

"We were just getting use to everything the way it is now..." Selena almost pouts. "Oh well...back into the fray."

"Into the fray..."Alistair repeats and exhales, staring blankly onto the shores ahead.

Arriving at the opposite shore, Cullen glances back at the fog covering the tower. Any time he's ever left the island before was either on strict Chantry business, or to apprehend a mage. The Knight Commander turns when he hears someone clearing their throat behind him. He finds Alistair staring at him, with his arms folded across his chest.

"Last time we met...wasn't under the best circumstances." The King's eyes narrow on the Templar. "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt...this time. But I'm watching you." He glares at Cullen, who is larger and taller then himself. "I may be the King now..." He informs, looking up at the Knight. "...but that doesn't mean I'm worried about shattering my image..."

"I understand." The Knight Commander replies just as sternly. "You have nothing to worry about your Highness." Cullen all but spits out his words.

"Right." Alistair tilts his head to the side, sizing up the bigger man. "We'll see about that won't we."

Although, smaller then he is, Cullen assumes that Alistair would probably give him a run for his money in a fight. However, it's going to take a lot more then a Royal title and battle tactics to scare him off. The Knight Commander's eyes follow the King as he makes his way towards his troops.

"What did you see in him?" Cullen looks over to Amell.

"Don't start with me." Selena smiles. "I can't believe it...you're jealous." She whispers.

"I most certainly am not!" He answers, just as low. Glancing from side to side cautiously he approaches her. "But really?"

"Oh stop it." She pushes her way past the Templar. "Lets get going people."

* * *

><p>Three days. It's been three days that they've been on the road. Already, Selena Amell is missing her bed. Just a few months off the road and her body has already forgotten what it's like to be traveling. However, traveling with the King has its benefits. This time the tents were more luxurious and private. Everyone, but the royal guards had their own tent. Each is set up with a small cot and traveling chair.<p>

"Hmm..." _Guess that's the benefits of having a few horses pull a wagon full of stuff_. She admits to herself. They might not have the greatest beds, but at least it wasn't the ground this time.

Selena studies the plants here and there as they continue their journey. Everyone is on foot, the only acception being the horses pulling the wagon. Just a half hour ahead, is a running stream and small clearing. There they will set up camp and a large fire. The mage smiles at this thought. A stream and a hot fire, a wonderful combination for a chance to get cleaned up.

Just as her day dream of fresh clothing and food fades, the warden can feel that sensation. That tugging of something near. She looks up to see Alistair looking back at her from the front of the line.

"Darkspawn ahead, prepare yourself!" Readying his sword and shield, the King signals for a few of his men to fall back. "You four..." Alistair points to Wynne and Dagna. "...guard those two." The men do as they are commanded and form a circle around their wards.

Selena along with Cullen and Kailen, jog up to the front of the line. "I'm thinking twenty maybe a little more." Selena informs, worried.

"I was thinking around the same number." Alistair wipes his brow with his forearm. "Knight Commander, how is your Cleansing Wave?"

"It's my best talent." Cullen admits shyly.

"Right. OK." Alistair ponders for a moment. "Only use it as a last resort."

"I usually prefer it that way. It takes too much out of me." He looks over to Mikael. "We are very capable in battle your Highness."

"I'm aware of that." The King looks to the darkening sky line, the tree line, then back to the Knight Commander. "Don't let her out of your sight...I didn't need to tell you that, but she's the commanding Grey Warden..."

"What about you? You're the king." Mikael interrupts. "We can't possibly..."

Alistair offers the young man a lop sided grin. "Oh don't worry about me. This armor is hard as dragons bone." He taps his breast plate. "Now get ready, here they come."

Suddenly, a few figures appear at the tree line. Selena can make out the outlines of a few genlocks, hurlocks and to her surprise Shrieks. "By the Maker..."

As those figures slowly begin to make their way towards them, two Ogres and two Emissaries make their way pass the trees.

"Oh just great..." Amell summons her rock armor. "This is going to end badly."

Cullen grasps at her wrist. "Stay behind me. Please." He sees her nod and is satisfied with that response.

A battle cry is shouted as the King begins bashing the faces of the genlocks charging at him. He ducks and counters the Shriek attacks with a blowing strike and slices off the head of one of his opponents. The Shriek's lifeless body slumps to the ground with a sickening thud. Easily dispatching of his second foe, Alistair continues pushing forward with his men just behind him.

The Knight Commander and Mikael make a fearsome duo as they seem to connect and understand the others movements perfectly. Cullen sensing Mikael's momentum, ducks and allows the other Templar to swing his long sword, striking the darkspawn with a chattering blow. Jumping back into his battle ready stance, Cullen pears over his shield. Seeing a target with in reach, he thrusts his blade forward, striking the creature in it's chest. Feeling the pull of magic in the air, Cullen ducks once again to see a boulder hurtled forward striking one of the ogres in the face.

"Great..." The Ogres attention is suddenly drawn to Cullen. The monster begins to bulldoze it's way towards him. The Templar readies his shield and stance, the creature rams him head on. The Knight is knocked to the ground, but quickly regains his balance and is back on his feet. Feeling the veil being tugged at again, Cullen swiftly pivots to the side allowing a bolt of lightning to strike the massive creature. Momentarily stunned, the Ogre begins to sway. Seeing his opening, the templar bolts for his chance and digs his sword into the monster's jugular. As he pulls out his blade from the rough hide, he turns to see an Emissary pressing down on Selena with some sort of spell that casts a red glow.

Running as fast as his armor will possibly let him, Cullen slides and catches the Darkspawn mage just below the knee with his sword. Standing over his mage, the Templar Knight points his blade in the creatures direction. "Back!"

The Emissary hisses and begins pushing forward again. Not budging from his spot, Cullen readies himself, watching just over the edge of his shield, he can see that the other Emissary is heading their way as well. Quickly, he looks down at Amell, who's looking to be in bad shape. Blood coming from her mouth, she clenches at her stomach and staff.

"Do it." She rasps. She grinds her teeth, covers her ears and gets ready. "Now!"

Closing his eyes, Cullen mutters a few words to the Maker. His lids bolt open, his head tilts back and he lets out a load roar. A _blue_ wave is sent from his body, crashing the Emissaries to the ground, giving the other men a chance to cut them down.

Alistair jumps off of the body of the last ogre sending black blood spraying onto the field. Marsh tears the throat out of a Hurlock, while Mikael and the other Royal troops deal with the last few stragglers. Still in battle shock, Cullen stands protectively over Amells shaking frame.

"Knight Commander!" The King points to Selena on the ground. "Get Wynne to look at her."

Shaking off his moment of confusion, Cullen drops his weapons, scoops up the mage and heads for the first Enchantress. "Wynne." His eyes search for the older mage. "Wynne!" He begins to panic when he notices that Selena isn't moving too much. "WYNNE!" Pure panic sets in when his mage's head tilts back, his forearm the only thing supporting her neck. "By the Maker...Wynne where are you?"

"I'm here Knight Commander." The Enchantress grasps the younger mages wrists and begins counting. Wearily, she looks up at the templar. "She's alive, but she's not doing as well as I would like her to be doing." Wynne can see the fear in his eyes. She looks to Alistair and his men. "Set me up a medical tent, now."

Alistair nods. "Move it!" He points to the men at the carriage.

* * *

><p>A few hours have passed, the night sky hangs over the battle ground. Wynne works constantly, trying to keep the young mage stable. Cullen continues to stand outside the small med tent, unmoving like a stone statue. Alistair paces back and forth in front of the tent by the fire.<p>

Inside the make shift hospital, the Senior Enchantress notices something changing, Selena is bleeding where there is no wound. "By the Maker." She turns to see Dagna's eyes widen with fear at the site of wear her friend is bleeding. "She's with child isn't she?"

Dagna nods and drops the bandaging.

"Who's the father?" Wynne demands, but assumes she knows the answer and hopes she's wrong. The dwarf doesn't answer, she only continues to stare. "Dagna...dearest. Who is the father?"

"It's The Knight Commander." Dagna blinks and a few tears roll down her face. "She's going to loose the baby...isn't she."

Wynne doesn't answer, she just continues working. "I need you to get me a few things..."

* * *

><p>A few hours later and Wynne emerges from the tent, covered in blood spatters and sweat. Glancing over to Cullen, she walks past him while washing her hands with a damp cloth. The Enchantress makes her way to the King and convinces him to speak with her in his tent. The Knight Commander watches as they leave.<p>

Dagna then appears from the tent, her eyes puffy, her hands and face soiled. "Cullen..."

"Tell me what's going on...please...is she alright. I'm going mad out here." Cullen removes his helm and tosses it to the ground.

"She's...she's fine..." Dagna whimpers. "But Sir...The baby, your child..." Her teary eyes meet his gaze.

"No..." His voice stutters and he slowly backs away.

"I'm so so sorry." Is the only thing she knows to say.

The templar's shoulders shake and he looks to the stars. Swallowing hard, trying to suppress tears, he wipes at his mouth. Lost on what to do. "It's not your fault."He chokes out. "Can I see her?"

"Yes, of course, but she's sleeping. Deeply." She wipes her index under her eyes.

"That's alright." He pushes the flap to the tent aside, walks in and sits on the bench beside her cot. Gently, he picks up her hand and places a kiss on her forehead.

"Don't worry. She already knows. She awoke while we...and we told her. Wynne had to give her something to rest or she could have bled to death." Dagna places some water and bread on a near by table. "For when she wakes up."

Cullen only continues to watch Amell sleep. He can't stay much longer, he knows that if he does he'll break down. That's the last thing she needs is to wake and see her templar broken before her again. "Will you keep watch on her?"

"Of course. Where are you going?" Dagna takes his place on the bench.

"I need to be alone...clear my head before she awakens." Cullen picks up his sword.

"Alright, I'll come get you when she wakes."

The Templar offers the little dwarf a quick nod and heads for the bushes near the stream. He finds a massive log and leans his sword and shield against it. He all but tosses his helm to the ground. Pacing with his hands on his waist, he begins to breath heavily. He takes off his gauntlets and throws them at the log. He can feel his anger rising.

"How could I let this happen!" He goes over the battle. There must of been something different he could have done, something he missed. "Fuck!" He leans against a tree, his forehead on his forearm. "Never should of..."_ Gave in to her?_ He thinks. No, that's not any of their faults. What's done is done. Cullen punches the tree while still leaning against it.

Feeling a burning sensation in his hand, he looks down at his knuckles. "Great..." Again, he resorts to pacing. Then he hears something, in the bushes. "Who's there?"

Alistair takes a few steps forward, while looking at the stream. "Are you done breaking your hand?"

"It's not broken." The Knight Commander informs. The two men stare at each other, neither of them backing down.

"You're the father...aren't you?" Alistair asks and takes a seat on the log. "I asked Wynne if I was, she told me that Selena wasn't far enough along for it to be me..." The King looks up at The Commander, who still has his hands on his waist, staring at the ground. "So that leaves only one logical explanation..."

Without a word, Cullen takes a seat beside the King. Closing his eyes, he nods lightly.

"I see..." Alistair plucks out a blade of grass. "I'm sorry...for your loss." He says sincerely.

"Thank-you." The Templar sighs. "Do you know if it was...a boy or a girl?"

The King nods sadly. "A baby girl." He squeezes the other mans shoulder. "I'm so sorry. The taint, in our blood. It was too much. It destroyed..."

Cullen's shoulders shake. He covers his eyes with the palms of his hands and exhales deeply. "Charity..."

"Pardon." Alistair gives another squeeze.

"Her name would have been Charity." Cullen can feel a knot in his throat and tries to clear it. "Maker...I knew he would punish me..."

The King gives a quick shake to the other mans shoulder. "Hey! That's bullshit and you know it. There's no way that, that woman can be evil. You did nothing wrong, neither did she. Don't forget that."

Letting out a shaky breath, The Knight Commander nods.

"Now. I'll leave you to get cleaned up. She'll want you there when she wakes up." With a pat on the back, Alistair heaves himself off the log. Making his way back to the camp, he spares one last glance at the man behind him. "Piss on the Maker for what he does to us!" He says under his breath.


	9. Chapter 9 : Pushing Forward

**A/N : Wow. I've had this written for sometime now, but never had the chance to go over it. Finally did tonight. Hope you all enjoy! BTW I just want to thank all of you that are commenting! It makes me happy to know that there are so many people that love to read this story as much as I love to write it. I plan on updating whenever I can! All our RnRs are greatly appreciated!**

**Disclaimer : Selena is mine...that's all.  
><strong>

**Chapter 9**

The fire at the campsite is barely glowing by the time he gets back. Only the small embers of the dying flames is what remains. The air is cool, the night is clear and the only noise that can be heard are that of the crickets and frogs that surround the area. The Templar Knight Commander attempts to walk with his head held high, but that fails. Seeing no one around, he doesn't feel too bad about it.

His shoulders heavy with burden and sadness he makes his way towards the makeshift medical tent. Standing before the entrance, he tries to go over some of the things he thinks he should say. Should express. Maybe he should just shut up?

With a heavy sigh, he takes off his helm and carries it under his arm. Cullen pushes the flap of a door open and enters inside the tent. Surveying the area, he sees that Dagna is fast asleep in her chair, his eyes soften at the sight of the tired dwarven woman. The templar covers the dwarf with a blanket and makes his way to his lovers side.

To his surprise, Selena is sitting up in bed, reading a book. Sitting up. "Maker..." He quickly rushes to her and kneels before her cot, holding her little face in his gauntlets. "You should be resting...are you alright?"

A warm shaky smile appears on her face as she takes hold of his hands. "I've had enough resting for a little while I think..." She kisses his forehead and readjusts her posture. "It's you I'm worried about."

"Me?" He blinks away some confusion. "I'm fine. Amell...I..." He's trying to hold back the lump in his throat. Trying to make sure his eyes don't become moist. "I'm sorry..." He lowers his head into his palms.

"Cullen..." Gently she strokes the back of his neck. "There's nothing to be sorry about...there was nothing we could have done. The taint...that I told you about...it destroyed..." She's having a difficult time explaining what actually caused the death of their child. Their baby girl. Charity.

"She didn't have a chance...it's too strong..." Now she's the one trying to block the tears. "I'm sorry..."

"You?" Cullen snorts. "For what? Listen to us...both sorry for something we couldn't control." He shakes his head in disbelief in himself. _What's wrong with us? Sorry has nothing to do with it._

"Cullen...Even...even if me and you end up working out the way we want it to...I don't think I can ever give you a child." And that does it. Her tears begin to flow.

Once again confused, the templar smiles warmly at his lovely mage. "Selena, do you think that after all these years that would be my concern?" He pulls Amell to him and rests his forehead on hers. "All I ever wanted was your love. You've given me more then that. You've given me a reason to push forward and to be stronger. To be alive."

The Knight Commander takes off his armor and settles in beside his Tower Mage.

"Cullen..." Selena looks towards the entrance nervously. "What if someone comes in..."

"I don't care. Right now you're what matters." Tucking her comfortably beside him, Cullen manages to get Selena to rest her head on his chest. "Just let them...any of them try and take you away from me. I won't let it happen. Now rest."

Closing her lids, she listens to the slow beating of his heart and it calms her fragile mind. The soft cotton of his shirt against her face, the wonderful heat leaving his body and warming her own, it all helps her welcome sleep.

"I love you." She squeezes his arm.

Cullen places another gentle kiss to the top of her head. "I love you too. Sleep well." His gaze returns to the flapping tent door, the entrance that he will watch all night.

* * *

><p>There's a nudge at her shoulder. Someone is whispering her name. Selena begins to open her eyes, it's morning, she can smell the difference in the air that tells her this. Rubbing her eyes, Amell begins to look for the owner of the voice that's speaking her name.<p>

"Yes." She yawns and slowly stirs, trying not to wake her Templar. Her attention falls on Alistair. "Hey..." Now fully alert, her gaze quickly goes from the king to Cullen. "I...Alistair."

The King raises his hands to shush her. "Explain...later." She can see the hurt in his face and it almost shatters what's left of her heart. "I came in before sunrise...He's been up all night. I told him to rest and that I would keep watch."

"Alistair...I..." She takes hold of his hand. "Thank-you. For everything." Rubbing at the knuckles on his left hand, she tries to offer a smile of gratitude.

"Don't worry about it." The King nods to Amell's Templar. "He loves you."

"I know." She acknowledges while biting at her lower lip. She can feel him studying her body language.

"Do you care about this man?" He continues watching her. A nod, as the only answer he receives. "Do...you..." Grabbing her chin with his index and thumb, he forces her eyes to meet his own. "This is hard for me to ask...but...Maker...do you love him?"

Without blinking, she tells him the truth. "Yes."

"I see." He drops his hand and stares at his knees. His heart feels like it's going to come to a complete stop and he's having a hard time breathing. Taking a slow deep breath, he lets it out in a shaky exhale.

"I'm so sorry Alistair." She really doesn't know what else to say.

"I...this isn't the time..." He kisses her cheek. "I just wanted to make sure you were both alright." Again he tosses a glance at the sleeping Knight Commander. "Selena, I'm heart broken for your loss. Really, I truly am."

"Thank-you." She knows that deep down inside he is. But she knows that also deep down, he wishes that it was him lying beside her, sharing this pain. No matter how awful this situation is, he wishes every second that the man beside her was him. That child, should have been his. This burden should have been theirs.

Selena rests her hand on the kings face. "Alistair..."

Clearing his throat, he brushes her hand away. "I need to go...things to do you know. Being a King...I'm a busy, busy guy."

"I know." She watches him fix his armor as he makes his way out of the tent. "I'll see you later?"

"Of course my lady...of course." Not looking back at her, Alistair walks away, still with his heart aching.

* * *

><p>"I don't know if I can keep doing this. Specially now!" Alistair tries to keep his cool as he paces around the inside of his royal tent. "Wynne, please you need to tell me what to do. It was hard enough to be around her in the first place...but then to find out that she was with child..." In a fit of anger he knocks the water basin and table to the ground. "And it wasn't even mine! Only just after a few months from being away from me! Was I that easy for her to forget?" Still angered he tosses his gauntlets at his cot. "I'm such a fool to think she actually loved me." The king lets out a low chuckle of self disbelief. "Me...the man she all but shoved into the roll of King. Now I see...she couldn't be happier to get rid of me."<p>

"That's enough Alistair." Wynne says in a warm steady tone. "You know that woman loved you and still does. She would have gladly lived out the rest of her days with you. However, the lives at many were at stake. She saw it more important to have a good man rule for the sake of everyone." Sighing, the older mage takes a seat on the large cot. "Sometimes, what we want isn't important...sometimes there are things we can't control."

Slumping his shoulders, Alistair drops to his knees heavily before the Enchantress. "I'm just so tired...all my life, I've had nothing but disappointments...I thought for once I would get a break." He looks to the ground at her feet. "Is it wrong of me...is it wrong that I wish, even though she died...that I was the father...that the child was mine?" He can't even look at his friend, he feels too ashamed. "Maker...what kind of man...what kind of king would wish that?" His eyes moisten.

A wise smile makes it's way across the old woman's face. "A human one. One who's been through too much." She places a hand on the young mans shoulder. "Alistair. I love you like a son. I am truly sorry for the hardship you've had to endure...there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. But it's not going to change anything. Speak with her, once she is better." Her tired frail hands frame his face. "You're a good man and a good King. She made the right choice for you. It might not seem that way now. But she made the choices she did and it wasn't easy for her. She did what she did and what she still does out of love. Remember that."

Alistair nods, he knows she's right. It doesn't make his heart feel better. But she's right. As usual.

* * *

><p>The trip had been slow and quiet. Everyone had been on alert the entire time. After several days, they had finally made it. Denerim. Their pit stop. "Home sweet home..." Alistair mutters and continues leading the caravan with him towards the palace. "We will stay here a few days...maybe more if needed and then continue on."<p>

Nodding, Selena continues to march on beside him, with Cullen not too far behind. "I could use a nice bed." She's too busy watching the people pass them by to see Alistair throw her a side glance over his shoulder, but Cullen notices and his brow creases.

* * *

><p>After a nice warm bath and a change of clothing, Selena eases herself into bed. Holding back a hiss as her arms push her up and over the covers. "Maker, I can't wait for the pain part to be done with." <em>Just muscle pains<em>. She reminds herself. Just as she's about to start reading, someone knocks at her door. Assuming it's either Dagna or Cullen, she puts the book in her lap and bids the person to enter.

"Oh...uhm hi Alistair..." Selena begins to play with the corners of her book as she watches the king take a chair and place it beside her bed.

"Hello." He takes a seat and places his hands together on top of her mattress. "How are you doing Amell?"

"I'm fine." She's trying to think of something to say that won't sound, well rude. "Sorry Alistair, I don't want to sound ungrateful. But what are you doing here?"

"Ahh right to the chase. You haven't changed." He offers her a wink. "Well to be honest, I want to talk."

"Obviously." Oops that came out wrong. "About what." The mage watches the ex-templar before her twirl his fingers together and make funny gestures with his face. She knows that he's trying to figure out how to word what he wishes to express.

"Oh..that..." Nervous, again.

"It's just. I'm trying not to cause a fight, or make you upset. I just need answers Selena." He looks at her with those sad eyes. Those brown eyes that never once wished her any pain.

"What do you want me to tell you?" She shakes her head in frustration. "How I spent everyday, wishing I could have stayed with you as your wife? How I regretted putting you on that throne, even though I knew it was the right thing to do? That I cried myself to sleep everyday until I was dehydrated! There are a lot of things that I wish for, but I will never be granted because I am a mage!"

"Don't you throw that at me." Squaring off his chin he continues. "You didn't have to make me King. We could have been together." He can feel that anger again. "Instead, you go back to that bloody tower and let a man who despises what you are, father your child?" Briskly he stands and tosses the chair. "A child that should have been mine!" His eyes grow big as he regrets the words as they are spoken. "Maker, Selena, I'm sorry."

"It's alright." A tear runs down her face. "You have every reason to be upset. I crushed you, broke your heart." She sniffles and wipes at her nose. "Come here." She holds out her arms, offering him an embrace which he accepts. Alistair sits at the edge of her bed, hugging her tiny frame, his body shaking with grief. "As for Cullen...he just happened...he wasn't planned. You have to know that."

"I know." Alistair sinks lower into her embrace, finally feeling some sort of serenity. "Are you using him? Because Selena..."

"At first...yes...I guess I was. And he knew it. He was there when I really wished it was you...Andraste, I'm awful." The mage strokes the soft hair on her kings scalp. "But then...I don't know..."

"So you do love him." Alistair shuts his eyes and leans against her shoulder. "I was hoping...you didn't...that maybe I could of...I don't know..." He chuckles. "But that doesn't matter." He gives her tiny frame a squeeze. "He treats you good?"

She gives a light nod.

"I see. And makes you happy?" Alistair studies her answers and brushes her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Yes." She smiles.

"Is he embarrassed to be in love with a Mage?" This answer he waits for, and it will be key to weather or not he approves of this man.

"No. It's just..."

"Complicated." He smiles. "I know. Maybe I can help...when the time is right. I'd only be doing this for you...of course."

"Of course." She giggles, watching the light twinkle back to life in his eyes for once in a what seems like for ever.

"Can you allow me one last thing however?" He asks almost sheepishly.

"What?" Her eyes meet his and she knows. One last...

Alistair's lips meet hers, passionately one last time. She finds it hard to not grab for him as he pulls away breathless and begins to make his way for the door.

"I will always love you." Her heart sinks.

"And I you." Just before opening the door, he smirks and glances over at her. "Your Templar Knight. He's alright."

"Thanks for the approval your majesty."

"I'll go find him. He should be here with you...He has nothing to hide here." Alistair pats Marsh on the head and opens the door. "I promise Selena, I will do everything I can so that you two no longer have to hide." With that the door closes behind him and she's left alone with her thoughts.

* * *

><p>Cullen opens his door to find Mikael standing in the hallway, looking at him in bewilderment. "Can I help you?" The Knight commander assumes something must be going on to have his Knight standing there.<p>

"Actually could I have a word, Sir?" The other templar removes his helm and runs a weak hand through his dark hair.

The Knight Commander stands aside allowing the other man in. "What's troubling you?"

"Well..." The man, who's just as bout as old as Cullen, deposits his helm on the bedside table and wipes his hand over his mouth. Nerves, he thinks. "Sir, I mean no disrespect." He looks to his senior, who nods, bidding him to continue. "But...I know about you and Amell...I have... well, for a while now."

Cullen's eyes grow big and dark. _Panic._

"Oh...don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." He offers a nervous smile. "I'm...well I was never one for well...I'm fine with not...you know..." The knight stammers on. "Anyways, I never understood why it should be such an issue. If anything the Chantry should see it as a way for a permanent eye on a mage...you know...well of sorts anyways."

Still shocked, Cullen watches as this man full of nerves, stammers and walks back and forth in his room.

"All I am saying is that if it comes down to it...I'm on the side of the Hero of Ferelden." The man stands at attention and salutes his Commanding officer.

"I see. Well...thank-you." Cullen clears his throat.

"The way I see it sir. If a man that has been through what you have, can still find it in his heart to love and trust a mage...then so can the rest of us a long with the Maker." Mikael grins his lopsided grin. "And I don't know if it means anything. But I'm sorry...about your loss."

"I...thank-you, Mikael." Cullen swallows, trying not to seem distressed in front of his knight. Just as he's about to open his mouth to say something else, there's another knock at his door. "Now who could that be..." The Templar opens the door to find the King standing there.

"Could we have a word?" He looks over Cullen's shoulder at the other Knight in the room.

"Of course your majesty." Shooting a glance over his soldier, Mikael bows and heads for his own quarters. "Now, how can I be of service?"

"We're going to have a chat." Alistair takes a seat and signals with his chin for the other man to do the same. "I've already talked with Amell..."

* * *

><p>"By Andraste's flame...come in." Selena refuses to leave her bed. First a visit from the king, then Dagna and Wynne...now what?<p>

The door creeks open to reveal Cullen, without any armor. "I can leave if you want."

Trying to make her way out of bed, she begins to pull off the covers. "No...no. Please stay."

The Commander enters the room closing the door behind him. Kneeling on one knee, he bends to rub Marsh behind the ears. "You're a good guardian, aren't yah?"

To that the Mabari lets out a loud_ 'woof'_.

Hearing her bare feet pad over next to him, Cullen continues petting the hound. "Alistair...the King...informed me that under no circumstances am I to hide my affections for you, while we are here." The Knight smiles, and Amell can see the age lines by his eyes crease.

"I see." Folding her hands together, she continues to watch her Templar and her Mabari.

"Also..." The smile fades and he stands, dusting himself off. "Mikael...he knows. About us." Cullen chews at the inside of his bottom lip. "I don't know how, but he does."

"Ah. I see." Selena takes a step closer. "Is there any reason for us to be concerned?"

Thinking it over, his brow creases. "No. He's a man of his word. He said that he would always be on the side of the Ferelden Hero when it came down to it." Again, he's smiling and those lines she loves so much appear again.

"So, mister Templar." Tiny warm arms entangle themselves around his neck. "Are you telling me that you are going to spend the night here? In my room? In an actual bed?"

"If...if you would have me...then yes." Crimson begins to make it's way up to his cheeks as his arms wrap around the little mage.

Giggling, Selena kisses his chin. "Oh my. Are you still this easy to tease?" Her fingers twist in his hair. "Even after all the times we..."

"Selena... Maker." He doesn't know why, but he's mortified that she was actually going say those words. Now he can actually feel the redness going down his chest.

"Sorry, my love." Again, she's giggling and he's flushed. Again. "You're just too much fun."

With his arms still around her waist, Cullen glares at his feet. She tries to duck into his view and she can almost swear that he's pouting. Her big, bad Templar Knight, pouting. "Come to bed. We can't...well...you know...not for a little while. But there are other ways I can make this up to you." She winks, hoping that he sees it.

Cullen's grip tightens. "No...I don't want that." Tired eyes find hers. "I just want to rest. And hold you. If that's alright."

Touched, Selena slides her hands down his arms to his wrists. "Of course." Leading him back to the bed, she blows out some of the candles on the way. The Templar removes his shirt and trousers and places them on a chair near the bed. They both crawl under the covers and relax. With her back to his chest, she wiggles her way closer to him, trying to be as close as comfortably possible.

Cullen tucks his arm under her head and settles his chin just above her crown. A strong and well defined arm wraps itself around her frame. His hand forms a light fist just in front of her chest and rests on the bedding. "Are you alright like this?" He looks to the back of her head, waiting for a nod.

"Yes, very." Selena's tiny hand wraps around the forearm by her face. She's never felt so warm, so loved or so at peace before._ Strange._ She thinks. To find all this in someone she would have never thought to expect it from.

"I love you." The Knight Commander kisses his little mage's temple.

She smiles at the sensation of the feeling of his lips against the hair on her head. "I love you too."


	10. Chapter 10 : Planning

**A/N: This is kind of an interlude. I know it's been a little while since I've posted anything, but I was having some issues with logging into . Now that that's all resolved. I will continue to update whenever I have a chapter finished. Also, I would like to thank all those who have been reading this fic religiously!**

**Disclaimer : Selena is mine and that's it. BTW, I support Cullen for DA3 LI option ;)**

Chapter 10

It's not easy. Specially not tonight. To sleep, to think, to breathe, to be King. "Damn it all to hell..." Alistair sighs, clutching his hair, resisting the urges to grunt with frustration through his clenched teeth. The thought of making _her_ happy, fills his heart with warmth. The thought of her happiness having nothing to do with him any longer, is gut retching. "Stop this...you're gonna make yourself sick..." He reminds himself. The last time he was upset over her, had left him violently vomiting for an entire day.

Not a moments piece. A knock at his chamber door. "It's Teagan. I need to speak with you."

Letting his arms drop between his knees, he sighs. "I'm sleeping...go away." _Can't I ever have a moment to myself?_

"Alistair..." Teagan sounds a bit frustrated. "You have guests..."

"What?" The king leaves the comfort of his study chair and opens the door. "At this hour? Are you joking?"

"I'm afraid not." The Bann yawns. "The Couslands have arrived."

The Ex-Templar tries to adjust his vision and train of thought by rubbing his palms against his eyes. "The Couslands? Why in Andraste's name are they here? Now?"

Teagan's turn to now be a bit confused. "You did request that I send word for her to meet with you."

Realization sets in. "Oh. Right." Alistair nibbles at his bottom lip. "I didn't think they would show up in the middle of the night." Again he sighs, annoyed. "Have the guest rooms down the hall set up for them. I'll meet with them in a few minutes."

"Alright." Teagan begins making his way back to the main hall. "Don't take too long." He warns over his shoulder.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later as promised, Alistair makes an appearance. "Hello, friends. I'm sorry you've waited so long. You must be tired after your long..."<p>

"Your majesty." He assumes that the brunette dressed in full Rogue armor, interrupting him, is Teyrn Bryce Cousland's daughter. She bows slightly. "We are very tired."

"Well then why don't you all take rest..." Alistair is stunned to see that this woman actually cuts him off again.

"I don't mean to be rude, but we come here with a plea." The woman's blue eyes grow big with worry.

"Go on." Alistair's posture stiffens and he listens attentively.

"Thank-you." She bows her head lightly then stands. "Me and my brother both wish to become Grey Wardens. And seeing how Amaranthine is now under your control, my brother would like to be stationed there, while I back at Highever."

Rolling his tongue over his teething, smiling, Alistair paces slowly before his guests. "So, both of Bryce's children wish to become Grey Wardens? Huh? Interesting." He thumbs his chin. "So I guess you think I don't know of the connections your family has with the Howes? That your family was murdered by Rendon Howe, has nothing to do with you wanting to go to Amarantine? Doubtful."

The Cousland woman glances over her shoulder to her brother. "Sir...I..."

Alistair raises a hand, signaling her to be quiet. "I understand your want for revenge. However, you look for it in the wrong place. Rendon Howe is dead. His family has nothing to do with it. Nathaniel Howe is a respected Grey Warden serving in Amaranthine. I will not send anyone there who wishes to disrupt anything we've accomplished."

A tall dark haired man steps forward. "Your highness. I am Fergus Cousland. I've already dealt...with my grief. I have no ill will against the Howe family. Rendon is gone, justice is done. However, I want to help. I need a purpose. Please, at least consider sending me." Fergus places a fist over his heart and bows his head. "My wife and child...are gone. I need some way to serve, my Lord."

The king sees honesty in this man and actually considers his words. "Fine, I will think it over, Fergus." His eyes land on the young woman again. "However, Miss..."

"Amelia...Amelia Cousland." She finishes for him.

"Amelia Cousland. I am going to advise that being the last of your line that you return home." Knowing that Bryce probably wanted some blood to remain and that 'if' Fergus actually survives the joining, he will more then likely not have children, it may be best that she at least returned.

"Oh...I see..." Amelia sighs, disappointed. "But your highness, I received a letter. Asking that I meet with you."

"Oh. Right." Alistair flushes pink, he had completely forgotten about that. "Well how about all of you get some rest. And Miss Cousland, we can talk about that in the morning if you don't mind." He tries to offer the brightest smile he can possibly force at that moment.

"That sounds acceptable." She nods.

* * *

><p>Palms are sweaty. The collar on this shirt feels too damn tight. Alistair tugs at the collar trying to allow blood flow. Still too damn tight. He takes in a deep breath watching his chest heave in front of him, lets it out and watches as his chest slowly falls. Hands are now clasped behind his back, then back to his sides, then rubbing the back of his neck. "Maker what the hell is wrong with me?"<p>

_Nervous._ "Why?" _She's beautiful._ "So? I've been around Selena and she's gorgeous." _She's new, different_. "And?" _You're nervous, because you're forcing yourself to try to find someone. You're trying to move on, but don't know if you can._ "Wow, I feel like I'm going crazy." Alistair scoffs himself.

There's a knock at the door. _Well no time like the present_. The king answers the door and allows Amelia to enter his study. "Good morning Miss..."

"Please call me Amelia." She shakes his hand, actually crushing it.

"Ow. Alright, and please call me Alistair." He takes his hand back, shacking it a bit. "Please have a seat." He pulls a chair back for her. "Now, I want to discuss Amaranthine with you."

Amelia nods. "Alright."

"We...as in me, the Hero of Ferelden and a few soldiers were actually on our way there." Alistair pores himself and his guest a cup of tea. "I have some business that needs to be attended to on our borders and I was going to get Selena, the Hero of Ferelden to manage this for me."

"But..." Amelia takes her tea and begins to sip at it.

"Well seeing as how your brother wants to join the Wardens. I might arrange to have him and a few others take care of that instead." Alistair suggests.

"Why? I mean why not get Selena to go with him?" She asks actually intrigued and he finds that he likes her intelligence.

"Ah, well you see, Selena is a mage, which I am sure you are aware of. And what I want is for Ferelden's people to be free to live their lives. All of Ferelden's people." He places his cup on the desk and leans on his elbows. "I think it's time that she too finally gets some well deserved respect. Not just as a Warden, but as a person. She should have the right to live and have a family." Alistair sighs and shakes his head, knowing she probably doesn't share his beliefs. "I know you probably don't understand..."

"I want to help."

Alistair's eyes widen with disbelief. "What?"

The young woman smiles warmly. "I want to help. I had a friend, when I was young. She was taken away because she was a mage. I found out a few months back that she died in the tower...during the...attacks."

"Oh. I'm sorry." The kings shoulders relax, knowing she kind of understands where he's coming from.

"It's alright." Amelia stares into her tea. "It's just sad, you know. To know that she would never be able to feel the love from parents like I did, even though they were taken away from me. That she will never know what it will be like to have a family of her own." She sighs and her frames shakes a bit. "No one deserves that."

Alistair finds himself smiling. Then without thinking he tells her. "I want to get the Chantry to allow Mages to marry whom they choose. I might have to settle for them still living in the Circle. However, even though the Circle is now run by the mages, I want their to be harmony between the mages and the templars." He's shocked that he actually just confessed that. To a stranger no less. But for some reason it felt good, to tell someone what he'd been thinking all these months to himself.

"Really? Do you think you can do that?" Amelia quirks. "Because, wow, that's quite the chunk to try to bite off and swallow."

"Yeah...I know. But I'm King, if they say no I will use the power of my puppy dog eyes and my Kinglyness." Alistair sips at his tea, smiling. Actually, smiling.

"Kinglyness?" The young Cousland woman shakes her head. "Well your majesty I hope you have a better vocabulary then that, because I don't think you will impress the Divine with just your Kinglyness."

"You never know." Alistair shrugs his shoulders.

Clearing her throat, Amelia's eyes meet his. "Now about the letter that was sent to me."

* * *

><p><em>Best sleep ever?<em> That's an understatement. _Best sleep in history._ Selena Amell smiles against the warm skin of her Templar lover, who's still gently snoring. Turning to face him, she kisses the hollow of his throat. "Hmm..." _No reaction?_ She traces her fingers down the middle of his chest and then rubs them soothingly back up to his shoulders. _Still nothing?_ Her lips form a pout. Then a memory._ He's not wearing his trousers, just his under clothes._ Brow and lips form mischievously. Licking her lips, her hand begins to make a slow trail down his rib cage.

As if his body felt the impulse to move, Cullen rolls to his back. _Perfect_. Her grin widens. Cautious not to wake him, she makes her way to his waist line and carefully brings his undergarment lining down. Sliding her hand down his sleeping length, her eyes watch his face to make sure he's still asleep. To Selena's delight, with the sudden exposure of affection, the Templar Commanders anatomy responds.

Tilting his head back against the pillows and groaning tenderly, Cullen remains asleep. _Must be having a good dream now_. Amell snickers to herself. His body now fully aware of what is taking place, the mage takes him into her mouth and begins her motions.

A hiss and then a moan, she feels a hand reach into her hair. "Selena...What are... you doing?" She doesn't answer, but continues to work her_ special_ magic. "Selena...really...you don't have to...Maker..." The hold he has on her hair moves to her scalp and she can almost feel his pulse through his finger tips. Hips begin to gyrate as she deepens her grasp on him. She smiles as she allows her teeth to gently scrape him on her way up and his entire body shutters.

Just as he's about to protest once more, she plunges her mouth further down, his hips buck and he murmurs something she can't understand. Finally giving in, his hand finally relaxes and he's massaging her head, guiding her pace. "Amell...Maker..." Hearing his breathing become faster, she quickens her movements, his hips following along. Cullen's grip on her hair tightens once more, his back stiffens, and his hips press forward. Thrusting her tongue against his peak, she feels him poor out as he groans while almost fully pushed up on to his elbows. He then allows himself to relax and fall back onto the mattress.

Covering his face with his forearm, sweating and breathing heavy, Cullen can feel the after affects still shaking him. "Why did you do that?" He breathes out heavily while looking down at her with wide lustful eyes.

"Oh did you not enjoy it?" She asks, truly curious.

"I...yes...it was appreciated...don't get me wrong...but..." The Templar takes another inhale.

Selena studies him. "Cullen. Just because...we lost our child...doesn't mean my desire for you is any less. Even though I can't physically make love to you, right now. Doesn't mean I can't still love you. Do you understand?" She knows that templars aren't exactly experienced in the 'love and how to' area, so she hopes she can help him learn.

"I think so." He nods and rests a hand on his chest. "Wow, I'm actually tired again." Grinning, those lines appear on his face once again and Selena can feel herself melt.

"Really? Because I can do that again..." She jokes and begins pulling at the covers.

"Maker please, no. Thank-you but no." Cullen circles her frame with his arms. "Just be still, for a bit. Would you?" He laughs against her shoulder. "You're always planning something. Just relax, alright?" She can feel him smile against her skin.

"Alright. Just for a bit though."

* * *

><p>"So let me try to understand this, your majesty." Amelia wears a face of confusion. "You thought that if you sent me a letter to ask for my audience, that I would show up here, you would somehow sweep me off my feet and then propose we get married?" She crosses her arms, unimpressed.<p>

"Maker." Alistair laughs, feeling his brow dampen a bit he wipes it with the back of his hand. "When you say it like that it makes me sound like some kind of lecher." He rubs a hand over his mouth while trying to think of a way to convey his thoughts. "Let me start over. Hopefully, I clear this up." He runs his fingers over the wood of the desk.

"Hopefully." The king watches as her brow forms a serious expression.

"I was hoping that maybe we could get to know each other, it doesn't have to go further then that. I'm being pressured to court someone, everyone wants to see an heir to this thrown born. That doesn't mean _we_ have to jump into the 'hey lets get married' boat. I'm just trying to show my court and people that I'm at least trying. This doesn't have to go anywhere other then friendship. I'm new at this...I'm just trying to at least look like I'm speaking to women." He ushers out a sigh of desperation, not sure if he sounds crazy or not. "If any of this bothers you...just let me know. I'm reasonable, I can understand if this is a bit...well uncomfortable. I'm not going to force anyone into anything. I know what it's like to not have a say in anything." Taking a sip of his tea, he rolls his eyes at himself feeling like an utter fool.

"I understand...well mostly I think I do." She gnaws at her bottom lip. Clenching her knees, she leans forward. "You know, my dad..." Her eyes grow sad. "Before...all that unpleasantness, he was pressuring me to marry. It's the way of the Couslands to all be warriors of some type. So I was being pressured to be an excellent marksman as well as being pressured into finding someone suitable. He had many suitors for me. I refused them all of course." She laughs lightly at the warm memory. "At least he was allowing me to have a choice." A small hand reaches over and rests reassuringly on the kings forearm and he stares at it like it's something foreign. "It would be an honor, Alistair, to get to know you."

She smiles, and he finds himself hopeful and a bit excited. Maybe, just maybe this could work. Returning her smile with a half grin, he nods.

* * *

><p>Selena stares at the flames blazing in the marble fireplace. Contemplating on everything that had just been presented, her fingers play with the edge of her sleeves. "So, we're going to take Fergus to Amaranthine to attempt the joining. If he survives, then he will remain there and help with the rebuilding of the Ferelden Wardens." Her green eyes never leave the flames.<p>

"Not we, you and some of my men." Alistair answers, also staring at the fire. "As the Commander of the Wardens, you should be there for the joining. After that, I want you to return to Kinloch. I'm going up against the Chantry, my hands are going to be full for quite some time."

"Alright. Fine." She shifts her position in the chair and then turns her gaze to the king. "But Oghren and Anders? Really? That's the part that has me the most confused I swear."

Shaking his head in disbelief as well he takes a seat in the chair next to hers. "Believe me, Oghren as a Grey Warden. I'm just as stunned as you are. Anders, I have only been recently introduced to him...so I have no opinion on that matter."

"Just ask Cullen about him. You'll have a story there." The mage laughs while rubbing her arms.

"I bet." Alistair stares at her fondly. "How is your Templar doing?"

"Alistair..." Selena cocks her head to the side to look at him. "He has a name you know."

"Alright, alright. How's Cullen the Templar doing?" He couldn't resist the easy jab.

"He's fine." Selena finds herself smiling regardless. "Just, well worried...you know." She sees her king nod.

"Right. So it's settled. You will take the two Templars, Fergus, Wynne, Dagna and a few soldiers with you and head to Amaranthine. I will stay here and deal with the Chantry business." Alistair claps his hands together.

"You know, I think we'd travel faster without the extra body guards." She tilts her head again in his direction. "You know I'm right."

"Of course you are." He rubs his hands together, and tries to smile. "But _'I'_ would feel better, knowing that you have that little bit of extra protection. Please, just do this, for me." His eyes plead with her own. "Please, Selena. I feel bad enough as it is that I can't travel with you. To know that I'm not there in case..." Recent memories of her falling in battle flood his mind.

Selena places her palm on the side of his face. "Fine. If it makes you feel better. But I'm not happy about it."

He takes her little hand into his own and kisses the top of it lightly. "It does. Thank-you." Patting the top of her hand gently, he lets its go.

"So what's this I'm hearing about an Amelia?" This seems to make the King nervous.

"There's nothing to tell...well not yet anyways." He rubs at one of his forearms. "The court has been bothering me. Saying I need to be courting women, finding a wife. There needs to be a Queen. We need the possibility of an heir...you know that sort of thing. So I thought that if it at least looks like I'm looking that maybe they'll leave me alone for a bit. You know? Of course you know. Heh." Alistair clears his throat. "Because I mean who could ever replace you in here?" He grabs at the fabric at his chest. Alistairs eyes dart from her face to his hands, back to her face. "And well how can I ever...you know...with anyone else? That would be...well...and no I couldn't." He's rambling. She knows, he's scared.

"Alistair. Stop." Eyes soft, her hand rests on his shoulder. "It's alright. I know, it's scary, trying to move on. But I won't condemn you for it." Grabbing hold of his chin, she turns his face so that he's focusing on her eyes. "I could never be disappointed in you. I will never stop loving you." She sees his lips attempting to smile, instead they just quiver and stay set in a firm line.

"But I'm scared..." His eyes close. "I don't want to loose my memories of you. I don't want to make new memories with someone else. It's hard for me to think of anyone replacing you...The thought alone makes my heart feel likes it's going to stop." His eyes lower trying to escape the embarrassment he can feel growing inside. "I'm sorry...this must sound..."

"Hey!" Amell jolts his face back up to meet her gaze. "None of that sounds ridiculous! This is hard and scary. We both don't really know what to expect or what to do. But don't ever for a second let yourself believe that I could ever think any less of you. Do you understand?" His eyes close slowly and he nods again. "Alistair, I know what you're feeling. You're right, it's scary, but you got to try. Eventually, things will work out, you'll see that I'm right yet again." She grins and lets go of his chin. "Plus, no matter what, you can always talk to me, about anything. I'll always be there for you." Selena pats his knee then leans back into her chair.

"Thanks. Selena." The King stands and heads for the door. "We should begin preparing for your leave."

Sighing she heaves herself from her chair. "Yes, I guess we should." She watches as he offers a wave and begins to open the door. "You know I love you, right?" Her fingers intertwine themselves behind her back.

Alistair nods, smiling warmly. "Yes, and I you. That's why you better arrive at Amaranthine in one piece." He points a finger in her direction. "Because I swear to the Maker..."

"Yes, yes I know. You're manly and fearsome and I hear your warning." The mage jests.

"Good." Alistair holds the door open. "Now, you better tell everyone what we plan to do, because you're leaving tomorrow morning."


End file.
